God sees you as perfect because of Jesus!
You are not like a bank account with credits and debits
to your life that make up a final balance for Him to
Information given out to teens by a Lutheran pastor in
Is sex something Christian boys should forget about?
The Bible says that you are "awesomely and wonderfully
made." Seven times in the creation account, God looks at
what He made and proclaims "It is good!" The Bible says
that your body is "the temple of the Holy Spirit." God
made you the sexual young man you are - and He says it's
awesome and wonderful! "It is good!" God doesn't see your
sexuality as sinful or bad - and nor should you! Your
sexuality - like everything about you - is a gift from
God meant to bless you. Your sexuality isn't something
you should deny or ignore (as if you can), it's something
to be thankful for.
What is Masturbation?
It's sex-by-yourself, it's "solo-sex".
Is it sinful?
No. It can be misused and sinful (almost anything can),
but it's not sinful in and of itself.
But doesn't the Bible say it's sinful?
No. The Bible doesn't say it's sinful or wrong or bad -
the Bible never even mentions it or alludes to it. This
is kind of remarkable since the Bible has a LOT to say
about sin and sex and because masturbation is a pretty
much a universal thing.
What about that "sin of Onan" and the "wasting of seed"?
Some Protestants used to use the story of Onan (Genesis
38:8-11) to discourage masturbation in boys. I can't go
into all the customs of that day, but the bottom line is
that the whole thing clearly has nothing to do with
masturbation (it deals with something called "coitus
interruptus" in required intercourse). It just doesn't
apply. Some Catholics used to talk a lot about "wasted
sperm". Sperm are the part of your semen that can work
together with you wife's egg to make a baby. They said
you shouldn't "waste" them. Well, every day, your body
makes THOUSANDS of sperm - and will continue to do so,
every day, for the rest of your life - tens of millions
of them in your lifetime. All but maybe 2 or 3 will be
"wasted" since no baby will result from them. That's how
God made you. Obviously, God isn't too concern that every
sperm results in a baby and that none is "wasted".
Besides, an unmarried boy isn't supposed to be fathering
babies and yet God made him to be making lots of sperm
cells every day - obviously He intends for those to be
"wasted". The other verses usually quoted deal with
sharing our sexuality with others outside of marriage;
they obviously don't apply and so I won't go into them.
My youth pastor says the problem is not the masturbation
but the thoughts that go with it.
This is the most common reasoning used today. Now, there
are clear Bible passages that talk about lust (Matthew
5:28 and Colossians 3:5 are often quoted). There's
serious stuff here, so let's look into this carefully.
- Masturbation usually doesn't increase how much a boy
dwells on sex, it's more likely to decrease it.
- "Lust" isn't an easy word to define. The dictionary
defines it as a "strong sexual desire" however, the Bible
must mean something different than that because these
verses apply to all people - including married people who
are permitted and expected to have sexual desires.
Masturbation is never given as an example of lust. Now,
God made you sexual, it's part of being "wonderfully
made", it's a gift from God, a blessing to you. Your
sexual feelings are part of how God made you and what God
gave to you - and God said, "it is good" (He meant it,
too). It's part of the "program" God has just downloaded
into you - and God didn't make a mistake or set you up to
sin. But if we dwell on ungodly, sinful, twisted,
perverted sex - that's not thanking God, that's not
rejoicing in our sexuality, that's mocking it - and the
Bible calls that "lust". In reality, it's a fine line
that you'll be struggling with for the rest of your life.
- Masturbation does not necessarily include thoughts of
sinful sex, nor it is usually done with the idea of
- When condemning lust, it just doesn't figure to
condemn anything that might be associated with it. Let's
say Bobbie watches lots of television. When he watches
television, he eats candy - lot of candy. Bobbie now
weighs about as much as a small car. Does that make
television a sin?
Do Christian boys masturbate?
Dr. James Dobson, a conservative Christian psychologist,
wrote, "Between 95 and 98 percent of all boys masturbate,
and the rest have been known to lie". Studies confirm
those numbers, and there's nothing to suggest it's
different for Christian boys.
Is masturbation harmful?
Do my parents know I masturbate?
Yes. So do your older brothers - and even your older
sisters (YIKES!). Even your DOG knows! (Just kidding
about that one). But it's totally weird. Like you and
your parents. I mean, you know that they are sexual
people (when you think about that, which you probably
never do). You know your parents have sexual feelings and
stuff just like you. Several times a week, they have fun
and exciting sex! I mean, you know that! But UGH! You
TOTALLY don't think of them in that way! They're your mom
and dad! Well, it's the same the other way around. You
parents know that you are now a fully sexual person, with
all the same feelings they have. They know that (at least
when they think about that, which they almost never do).
But they just don't think of you in that way. I mean, you
are their son, their boy, their child! Get it? That's one
reason why, when you and your parents want to talk about
this stuff, well, it's just SO weird.
Can a boy do it too much?
Almost everything can be overdone. I mean, one cookie is
great, 5 are probably okay - but a hundred?! Now, the
problem (the sin) here isn't the cookie and it isn't the
eating, it's the excess! Remember that old saying,
"everything in moderation"? In 1 Corinthians 5:6, Paul is
talking about sex and he writes, "I will not be mastered
by anything". If masturbation is controlling you,
"mastering" you, then it's out of control. Boys need to
learn to master their sexuality and not let their
sexuality master them!
So there should be some limits?
Like in everything else! It's really important because
our sexuality is really POWERFUL (duh). This is a very
powerful part of who you are and you'll be managing it
for the rest of your life. We need to control our
sexuality - or it will control us!! Learn now to control
your sexuality - and feel GOOD about that!
Do some Christian boys choose not to masturbate?
Yes, some abstain, at least for a while. They may do so
just out of a sense of self-control or because they
aren't okay with it or because it's a violation of family
values - all good reasons. Boys who abstain are far more
likely to have "wet dreams" and a pretty high and
constant level of sexual "pressure", but those things can
be handled, especially with age and maturity. Choosing
not to masturbate for a reasonable, achievable amount of
time can teach control and reinforce that you CAN control
yourself. But don't set yourself up for failure, set
yourself up for success!
I signed an "Abstinence Pledge" that I won't have sex
until I'm married. Does masturbation violate that?
No. The pledge is not to share sex with anyone but your
wife. Masturbation, by definition, is solo sex - it's not
shared. I strongly support such a pledge - it's a GREAT
thing to do and to keep! Good for you!
I heard that some guys I know have done it like together,
with each other. Is that okay?
No. Masturbation is solo-sex. When it's done with others,
it becomes "group sex" and sharing sex - and that's a
sin. This goes for married people, too - they don't do it
with other married couples! The only one you should share
sex with is your wife (who, at marriage, becomes one with
So, it's a private thing?
Yes. Our sexuality is, by far, the most intimate and
private part of ourselves (1 Corinthians 12:23). Since
our sexuality is the most intimate and private part of
our lives, so is its expression. By the way, EVERY family
should have an absolute "Knock Rule" in the home. NO ONE
should ever open a closed door without knocking and
seeking permission - this goes for siblings, too.
Once I had a "wet dream" and I dreamt of a boy I know -
naked! Is that sinful?
No. Actually, I've learned it's pretty common. A "wet
dream" (nocturnal emission) has two parts - the dream and
the emission, and you have NO control over either part.
Hey, you were asleep! Younger teens, especially, are
often more focused on their own bodies than on girls, so
it's pretty understandable that your brain would focus on
a boy body and create a dream from that. By the way, that
does NOT mean you are gay!! "Wet dreams" are the source
of lots of embarrassment, they're messy and they can make
a boy feel out of control. Good news: they decrease with
age and yes - your mother knows (but change the bed and
wash the sheets for her anyway, okay?).
I've found some "porn" sites on the Internet and I like
to look at that while I masturbate. Any problem?
Big one. The problem is not with the masturbation but
with the porn! And doing them together tends to mess up
the masturbation, too! Pornography is hard to define but
basically it's anything that focuses on sinful sex and
abuses God's precious gift of sexuality; it's all about
lust. It's DANGEROUS stuff because you are "wired" to be
very visual - impacted a lot by what you see. It's just
how God made your brain works. Pornography takes
advantage of this and abuses it, it really messes up our
minds! It's addictive, too - like a drug. Pornography is
one of Satan's tools to mess with your heart and soul,
drive you away from God, create lots of guilt and twist
God's wonderful gift of sex into something evil and
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son,
that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but has
everlasting life." That's a promise, right from God! And
it's YOU he's talking about! God not only made you
wonderful, but He made you His own - His own dear son,
His own precious child, the subject of His awesome love.
God loves you unconditionally, just the way you are,
EVERY part of you - always, completely, totally. There's
NOTHING you can do that will make God stop loving you.
Now, life has limits and boundaries. There are right and
wrong ways to use His gifts and live our lives. Sin makes
God sad because He knows it messes up our lives and hurts
us - and that breaks God's heart. God wants to bless us,
and He wants us to be blessed by His gifts.
And God cares. I mean, really cares. He made you and He
knows what's happening in you - a whole lot better than
you do. He understands. He cares. And He's there for you,
smiling on you, hugging you, loving you.
Some basics about Christianity and masturbation
The whole principle of Christianity is that God sees us
perfect because of what Jesus did for us, provided we
accept Jesus' sacrifice as our only means of getting to
heaven. (He is our Savior)
This means that it is not WHAT we do that makes us right
with God, but rather our acceptance of Jesus that makes
us right with God.
That means it is not how we feel about ourselves that
makes us right with God, rather it is trusting in His
word that we are right with God because of our acceptance
This means that masturbating does not affect our standing
with God, rather it has nothing to do with it because we
are right with God because of Jesus.
Do you feel like you are sinning?
If we confess our sins to God, He will forgive us and
cleanse us from all unrighteousness. He ignores all our
short comings and failures (whether real or imagined) and
forgives ALL the sins that we confess to Him!
If you feel like your masturbation is a sin, then tell
God that you are sorry and keep your heart right with
Him. Don't try making promises that you will never do it
again because it is almost impossible to keep them -
almost like promising you will never go to the toilet
again! If you keep making promises you will only feel
condemned and bad about yourself. It is difficult for
quite a lot of teenagers to accept their sexual nature
and to become comfortable with this new side of their
God sees us as pure and clean when we come to Him like
this. The Bible says that it is like we are wearing fine
white robes as far as God is concerned. To believe that
God sees us that way requires a conscious decision just
the same as it needs a conscious decision for us if we
were to physically put on some white robes.
Imagine you had a girlfriend that you really loved. This
girlfriend kept doing something that she felt really bad
about (we'll say smoking for example). Because of this
she kept hiding from you, convinced that you were angry
with her because of this habit she couldn't kick. All the
while you were wanting to be close to her because of the
love you had for her - the habit was of no consequence as
far as you were concerned. She couldn't be convinced and
your relationship became strained.
That is how it is with God. He just wants to love you and
have you love Him! This is His highest priority! He
is not looking down from heaven waiting to catch you
masturbating again! It is apparently of very little (if
any) real interest to Him! All He sees is the cleansed
you - because of Jesus' sacrifice of dying on the cross
and spilling His blood for us all.
Dare to see yourself as God sees you!
It won't only help you in the area of masturbation - it
is a principle that applies to every area of your
Christian walk. What is the truth? Is the truth the way
you are feeling about yourself or is the truth what God
says about you?
If you as a Christian are feeling bad about yourself in
any area of your life, then you need to see yourself from
God's viewpoint - perfect and an overcomer because of
Some more experiences about trying to stop
I tried when I first met the girl who is now my wife. I
felt guilty about it my whole life anyway and thought
since I was with the girl I really "loved," I should be
able to stop. I went about 2 weeks or so until I just
about exploded. Finally I gave in, and I shot about 3 or
4 feet on the first squirt. Later that evening, I talked
to the youth minister at our church about it because I
felt so guilty for giving in again. He explained how
normal it was, and that to varying degrees, almost
everyone, including girls, had masturbated at some time
in their life. Since that time (I was about 17) I have
come to the point where I don't have any guilt about it.
As a matter of fact, I know it has enhanced my ability as
a lover with my wife. age 35, Kansas
Yes. When I was 18 I went to a Christian camp for 10
weeks. The counselors requested that we not masturbate
while at the camp. I held it for a whole 10 weeks! There
was a ton of guilt associated with masturbating, and once
I got back from the camp, I tried so hard to stop. I just
couldn't, so I started looking into masturbation a bit
more. I found out that it is a natural thing and that
most guys do it. In the eyes of my religious beliefs,
there was no place for masturbation — so I had to make
the decision to not follow the religious beliefs until I
could find some that meshed with my human desire to
masturbate. After several years of trying to stop, I can
just say it's incredibly difficult. It helps to try
quitting with several other people whom you feel
comfortable sharing with and who can hold you accountable
if you slip up. But my advice is don't quit. It's really
OK! age 22, Washington,
Follow this link to read more about
Dr. James Dobson's views on masturbation.