Invisible bonds are formed between two people when they
No wonder so many sexually promiscuous kids and adults in
time end up very wounded, confused and unhappy people.
Read on and find the details.
Bruce Puddle - Contributing Author
What on earth is ‘sacred’ sex
Have you ever been told that sex outside of marriage is
wrong and sinful and when you asked the obvious question
"Why?" all you were told is "Because God says so in the
Bible"? The message you’re given is ‘don’t question it,
just accept it’. If you were then brave enough to ask,
"But why did God say so?" the chances are you got some
fairly vague answers.
Just maybe among these answers you could have been
correctly told that it has something to do with the fact
that while sex certainly is a highly enjoyable physical
thing, there is much more to it than just two bodies
having a good bonk. You may have been told that sex is
also a thing of the heart, something spiritual, even
sacred – that to mess around with intercourse outside of
a deeply committed long term relationship is to mess
around with your own and someone else’s heart and spirit,
and to play games with something powerful and sacred. Now
while most of us have a deep inside ‘knowing’ that this
just has to be true, we all find it really difficult to
understand and to describe in words exactly what these
terms mean when it comes to sex and sexual relationships.
In this article I am going to try and share some ideas
about ‘sacred sex’ that hopefully will help us understand
what it is about. So hold tight, here goes!
‘Sacred Sex’ explained
Firstly, you have to understand about ‘Heart’ and ‘Soul’
The vast majority of people since time began (no matter
whether they were religious or not), have always believed
that each person has what is commonly called ‘a heart’
(and they are not referring to your blood pump either).
We all talk about believing something in our heart or
loving someone with all our heart, or giving our beloved
our heart. What do we mean by this?
Heart is explained in a variety of ways. Perhaps it is
most commonly seen as our deepest inner self, our deepest
center, the deepest special inner space from which we
love and from which we can give to receive love from
another. There is another main word for heart. This is of
course the word soul, and soul seems to carry an even
deeper meaning than heart. Countless love songs talk of
giving your heart and soul to another or loving someone
with all your heart and with all your soul. People talk
of ‘looking after your soul’, believing that the state of
our soul determines who we really are deep down. For
example, a cruel person is often said to be ‘heartless’
or to have no ‘soul’. This isn't’t actually true, it’s
just that they have worked hard to stifle the voice of
their soul or, worse still, come close to throttling it
Virtually all religions see that perhaps the most
important function of our soul is that it is the place
where we connect to and to some degree merge with God.
But in addition to this, and a really important thing to
grasp in order to understand sacred sex, is the fact that
our soul is also where we connect most deeply with other
people. We often hear people talk about looking for a
‘soul mate’, and most of us know that this sort of
relationship is deeper than mere physical and/or
By the way, a lot of people mistake their emotions for
their soul and totally mess their own and others’ lives
up by living entirely at the mercy of their immature
unpredictable emotions. Just look at the soaps on TV for
a glaring example of this. But that’s another issue. Back
to the fact that our soul is the place where we connect
most powerfully with special other people.
This brings us to a very important fact
It seems that we have been deliberately designed, at both
a physical and spiritual/soul level, so that in the act
of sexual intercourse, the penis and the vagina, as they
move together, are actually forming much more than a mere
physical connection. They are forming a soul connection
between the couple, whether the couple want this to
happen or not.
Now it is important to realize that ‘soul connection’ can
be formed in many other ways that may not ever involve
sex. For instance family members, especially twins, often
have strong soul connections. So can close friends,
especially men who have developed mateship relationships
forged in the fire and horror of war. But it seems that
sex has the power to form a unique type of soul bonding.
The evidence for this is vast. Here is just one instance.
When a couple finds a strong attraction beginning to form
between them, what is it that they hunger to do most of
all? You’ve got it, they want to have sex, and more sex
and sex as often as possible. If they do begin a sexual
relationship then what will happen is that they will over
time begin to weave a strong soul connection with one
another. The coming together of penis and vagina in
intercourse is much more than a purely physical thing. It
is the beginning of the interweaving of two souls.
If the couple keeps their sexual relationship going the
chances are they are going to end up, for good or ill,
strongly ‘soul connected’. The time this takes varies. It
can happen quite quickly, perhaps in as little as a
couple of weeks, or it may take several months.
I am not, by the way, saying that couples can’t fall
deeply in love and have a real soul connection, without
having sex. Clearly many couples married in the past, and
some still do today, not having had sex until they were
What I am saying is that the weaving of souls caused
through sex is expressly designed by God to help create
the special connection and closeness that will provide a
solid basis for, hopefully, a life-long relationship
What do you think the implications are for casual sex?
Let’s list some of them.
- All those guys and girls out there screwing around
with anyone who will ‘do it’ are giving away little bits
of their souls in every sexual encounter they have. No
wonder so many sexually promiscuous kids and adults in
time end up very wounded, confused and unhappy people.
- Rush into bed with a girl where the only thing you
have in common is your shared desire to have sex, and
before you know it you will begin to weave a soul
connection to her. You might both be determined to keep
it ‘sex only’. You can’t. Your souls will start their
weaving despite your best efforts. The big danger is that
before you know it you are ‘connected’ to a person you
have very little in common with and with whom you only
wanted a brief sexual fling. So when the inevitable
occurs and you break up, guess what happens? You both end
up really hurt and torn apart inside as your soul weaving
is ripped away. This is the explanation behind the
expression ‘suffering a broken heart’. To be more
accurate, it is suffering a torn soul.
Next (and guys, this is really important)
As a general rule females are far more
intuitively aware of the power of ‘sexual soul
connection’ than your average horny guy. In fact, most
guys haven’t a clue in this area, they are more likely to
be led around solely by their dicks! This explains why
girls are far less likely to want ‘casual sex’ before
there is any sort of real relationship with a guy.
A girl is programmed to know (even though she may have no
conscious understanding of it) that in opening wide her
legs to have sex, she is also opening wide the deepest
part of her being. This is why most girls are generally
slower to rush into sexual relationship than guys are.
They are far more protective of what they are likely to
call their hearts – as well as very aware that it is they
who could be left literally ‘carrying the baby’! This is
a great protection for us guys so don’t knock it. And
don’t you dare ever use the old lie ‘I love you’ just to
get a girl into bed. This is nothing but a very nasty
form of sexual abuse.
The fact that God has made women in this way explains why
they are so traumatized if they are raped. Think about
it. The major part of the woman’s trauma is not just that
she was physically entered and violated. It is something
far more important that was violated – her deepest sacred
center, her soul.
The vagina and penis: extensions of our souls, expressed
The vagina and the penis are immensely powerfully parts
of the human body. They are nothing less than the outward
physical extensions of our souls!
The vagina in a quite literal sense is a God-given
physical entrance to a woman’s soul and has rightly been
called ‘the grand entrance hall to the ballroom of the
soul’. More than that, when a woman truly trusts and
loves a man and without reserve gives herself
passionately in the sexual act to her lover, her physical
vagina becomes an actual channel through which the power
and energy of her soul pours out and in a very real sense
floods and permeates the inner being of her beloved.
Likewise the penis is, in a quite literal sense, the
physical outlet and intake of the man’s soul. When a man
with true commitment, integrity and real love gives
himself to his beloved in passionate sexual intercourse,
his penis is in a very real way his soul expressed in
flesh. It is his soul sliding deeply into the soul of his
beloved. Soul in soul – and the two shall become one! At
the point of orgasm when the sperm is propelled forth,
the man’s body (especially his penis) and his soul merge
into an amazing and mystical oneness, easier to
experience than to explain, in which there is a pouring
out of his soul power into the depths of his beloved.
In turn he receives into his own center the outpouring of
the woman’s soul love and her welcome to him to enter her
soul. No wonder we call both male and female orgasm
‘coming’! No wonder loving sexual intercourse is so
healing, and brings such an amazing and virtually
indescribable sense of closeness and oneness between a
On the other hand, selfish sex that is only out to use
the other person as a body to get whatever an individual
can grab by way of physical pleasure is a thing that
almost always leaves both people feeling grubby, and the
girl in particular used and confused.
The more deeply we commit ourselves to understand and
define sex in terms of its true God-designed power and
purposes, the more likely we are to live our lives
growing in the healing and rich joy that a loving
committed sexual relationship will bring a couple. And in
turn this will help to empower and improve all the other
vital non-sexual areas of our relationship. This then is
This page is a very brief summary by Bruce Puddle, a
former NZ Baptist Minister and is based on his book
called "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made" which looks in
detail at this particular question and has heaps more
really interesting and helpful information.
Contact Bruce direct for more information about this
particular subject or for information about his book: