Puberty Sex information - Teenage Boys

FAQ

Please check the Frequently Asked Questions below to see if your question has already been answered.

• Praise for the site?
• Similar site for girls?
• Want to submit your story?
• Penis smaller than normal?
• Need help with gay stuff?
• Freaking about gym showers?
• Can't produce semen?
• Medical problem?
• Have a problem with the "gay" section?
• Have a problem with the "masturbation" section?
• Is the answer already on the site?

Praise for the site

If you want to thank me for the site or relate a personal story of how the site helped you, then that would be great. I'm sorry that I might not be able to respond to every email, however you can be sure that I will read all emails and that your positive feedback is greatly appreciated.

Is there a similar site for girls?

I am not aware of any similar site for girls and I haven't found anyone willing to write one! If you find a site, could you let me know please?

I want to submit my story

Sorry, I am not publishing any more "boy's or men's stories" - I think I have enough of a cross-section of boys presented on the site already.

My penis is smaller than it should be for my age

Firstly, your penis size relates to your physical maturity more than it does to your age. If you are a late maturer, then your penis is going to be smaller than average until your maturity catches up with your friends.

Secondly, the average size of penises shown on the site is just that - averages (probably exaggerated averages)! That means that some will be bigger and some will be smaller and together they make an average. (Now you can understand the practical application of what the math teacher has been trying to teach you all those years about what averages are!) Remember, the correct way to measure your penis (if you must compare) is to get real hard and measure from the tip all the way back to the bone behind your penis.

My advice is to choose to accept yourself as you are - warts and all! Worrying won't change anything at all. If someone doesn't like you because you don't measure up with penis size, then don't sweat about it because it actually shows they don't like you as a person - period! They are using you or manipulating you for their own purpose. That is OK - not everyone is going to like you - it is life! Accept it and move on to people who value you as a person.

If someone truly loves you, they love you as you are - small penis and all! If your friends happen to see your small penis and they still like you, then they are most likely true friends - it usually takes some sort of crises to reveal your true friends!

Need help with homosexual/gay stuff that you don't want?

This site is a primer to make sure you know that there are alternatives out there if you want to explore those options.

I can't take you further than what is on this site. If you want further help and advice I recommend you contact any of the organizations listed in Where To Get Help. They can give more specialist advice and have a great track record of helping guys in your situation. I also recommend your parents get the book A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. Another recommendation if you get the opportunity is to attend a Love Won Out conference. You will come away from there encouraged with new hope for your life. I attended one of the conferences and found lots of missing pieces of the jigsaw puzzle for young guys' lives that I've now presented on this site.

I'm freaking about getting an erection in the gym showers

Most guys worry about this. Teachers say that nearly all guys are fearful of the first few times they shower in groups, but after a while it becomes a little more natural. The biggest trauma is probably for guys who are way behind their friends with their physical maturity. Some doctors have issued letters excusing boys from showering until they have a chance to physically catch up a bit. You will have to talk to your parents and a doctor about that possibility.

Make sure you have read the Gym Showers section on the "Erections" page?

I can't produce semen

Most likely you are a young guy at the very early stages of puberty. You'll just have to wait a bit - before too long you will be producing semen and that will continue to happen for the rest of your life.

If, however, in the very rare circumstance that you have a good lot of pubic hair and you still can't produce semen, then you need to see a doctor.

Medical problem

Unfortunately, I can't give you any advice for a medical problem because I am not qualified medically and I don't want to lead you astray.

The only way to be sure is to see a doctor. You could take along some digital images if that makes you feel more comfortable. Doctors have seen more penises and penis problems than you could possible imagine, so the doctor isn't going to freak out when he sees yours!

Anyway, swallow you pride and embarrassment and see a doctor because it will be either of these two possibilities:

1. It is nothing serious, easily fixed and you will feel a lot better in yourself.
2. If it is something that will cause you grief later on in life then it needs to be fixed now. You will also feel a lot better about yourself knowing the problem is finished.

Whichever way you go, the result is a win.

Just be aware that the problem with any advice from well meaning friends on this sort of problem is a bit of a gamble - they might be right or they might not be - however, it is you who has to live with the consequences for the rest of your life! The only sure way is to let a doctor see things the way they are!

All the relevant medical facts I have gathered over the years are on the website. Emails asking for individual medical help will not be answered! You need to see a doctor for a correct diagnosis.

"The site is anti-gay"

Are you thinking that if the page is not pro-gay then automatically it has to be anti-gay. There is no other option? You probably also strongly adhere to the saying "once gay - always gay". The page aims to present options that aren't widely publicized to young guys.

First Section - The way it is

This section's theme: You are going to experience things that will make you think you are homosexual, but don't try to define your sexuality yet. Things can and do change, so wait until you are well past puberty. This can be life saving advice - the longer a person delays labeling themselves as gay, the less chance they will commit suicide. This is not religious based advice. It can be backed up by numerous secular studies. Very few boys know about this universal "gay" phase and it is an amazing load lifted from their mind when they find out the truth.

Second Section - Mentoring

This section has the theme "If you have UNWANTED homosexual feelings, then there is still hope for change. I understand those who say that traditional counseling and trying to bring about change by yourself won't work. I agree, it generally won't work.

This is often where the Christian aspect comes in. All the links are personal stories of people who have found success in changing their sexual orientation by bringing God into the scene of their lives! Skeptics will say they were never homosexual in the first place. Most however will tell you they were deeply into the gay lifestyle. Email them yourself. It is their personal story and you will find that none of them has an ax to grind - they are not pro or anti gay. They are just sharing their own personal experience.

The reason I include this aspect of the site is that once again it is a seldom heard option for people who feel "stuck" in a lifestyle they don't want. It can actually give hope where previously some had abandoned hope.

I have always been homosexual - your site is wrong about a "phase"

Studies have shown that you could be one of a small percentage who failed to take on a masculine identity as a little boy - that is could explain why it feels like you were born homosexual. The journey into masculinity can be resumed whenever you are ready!

It's all in the genes

Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), one of the larger pro-gay organizations, explains that there is no conclusive evidence that people are born gay in its booklet "Why Ask Why? Addressing the Research on Homosexuality and Biology."

Committed to a gay lifestyle?

Anyone committed to a gay lifestyle will find the site undermines the foundations of the life decisions you have made. I don't intend to offend you but I need to present other views that research shows have validity.

If you are genuinely concerned about helping young people find their way, then I think you will at least tolerate the site on the basis that guys need to know in the back of their mind these "gay" indicators aren't necessarily permanent. Even if they do remain for a few, there is the knowledge that others have found the change they wanted. None of us know which young guy is at the point of giving up because of this secret turmoil in his mind. I've never had an email from a young guy who was desperately afraid he was becoming heterosexual! Update - I had one email and the guy was afraid he would have to go back on his public decision to come out as gay!

A glimmer of hope can reverse a young guy's secret despair!

Even if we never agree on the causes of homosexuality - you surely have to admit it is a good thing to have guys firmly grounded in their masculine identity - and that is the essence of what the gay page is all about!

Disagree with the masturbation section?

I am aware that masturbation is a contentious issue in some churches. I have heard all the arguments. Most problems in this area come when the focus is on the lust/masturbation connection without any reference to the biological need all males have to release semen regularly!

It took a lot of research with well respected leaders in the Christian community and counsel of wise Christian leaders from several countries before I came to the conclusions presented on the site.

Did you read the page on this site "M" Sin History detailing how the church came to view masturbation as sinful?

Did you also read the page on this site Lust that attempts to rationalize the definition of lust and give advice on finding a healthy balance?

Has your question already been answered on the site?

Please carefully read as much as you can on the website about your concern before you email me. You will find almost all questions have been answered there, because all guys have much the same problems!

If you still decide to email me please include the following information so I can give an answer that is appropriate for your stage of development. If you are not OK with this personal information, still email, but you will get a much more general answer that might not really address where you are at.

1. Your age
2. Your country
3. Your stage of puberty (do you have adult pubic/underarm/facial/leg hair - not just the usual light colored hair that most young boys have?)
4. Are you circumcised?
5. Your relationship with your father!