Please check the Frequently Asked Questions below to see
if your question has already been answered.
Praise for the site
If you want to thank me for the site or relate a personal
story of how the site helped you, then that would be
great. I'm sorry that I might not be able to respond to
every email, however you can be sure that I will read all
emails and that your positive feedback is greatly
Is there a similar site for girls?
I am not aware of any similar site for girls and I
haven't found anyone willing to write one! If you find a
site, could you let me know please?
I want to submit my story
Sorry, I am not publishing any more "boy's or men's
stories" - I think I have enough of a cross-section of
boys presented on the site already.
My penis is smaller than it should be for my age
Firstly, your penis size relates to your physical
maturity more than it does to your age. If you are a late
maturer, then your penis is going to be smaller than
average until your maturity catches up with your friends.
Secondly, the average size of penises shown on the site
is just that - averages (probably exaggerated averages)!
That means that some will be bigger and some will be
smaller and together they make an average. (Now you can
understand the practical application of what the math
teacher has been trying to teach you all those years
about what averages are!) Remember, the correct way to
measure your penis (if you must compare) is to get real
hard and measure from the tip all the way back to the
bone behind your penis.
My advice is to choose to accept yourself as you are -
warts and all! Worrying won't change anything at all. If
someone doesn't like you because you don't measure up
with penis size, then don't sweat about it because it
actually shows they don't like you as a person - period!
They are using you or manipulating you for their own
purpose. That is OK - not everyone is going to like you -
it is life! Accept it and move on to people who value you
as a person.
If someone truly loves you, they love you as you are -
small penis and all! If your friends happen to see your
small penis and they still like you, then they are most
likely true friends - it usually takes some sort of
crises to reveal your true friends!
Need help with homosexual/gay stuff that you don't want?
This site is a primer to make sure you know that there
are alternatives out there if you want to explore those
I can't take you further than what is on this site. If
you want further help and advice I recommend you contact
any of the organizations listed in Where To Get Help. They can give more
specialist advice and have a great track record of
helping guys in your situation. I also recommend your
parents get the book A Parent's
Guide to Preventing Homosexuality.
I'm freaking about getting an erection in the gym showers
Most guys worry about this. Teachers say that nearly all
guys are fearful of the first few times they shower in
groups, but after a while it becomes a little more
natural. The biggest trauma is probably for guys who are
way behind their friends with their physical maturity.
Some doctors have issued letters excusing boys from
showering until they have a chance to physically catch up
a bit. You will have to talk to your parents and a doctor
about that possibility.
Make sure you have read the Gym Showers section on the
I can't produce semen
Most likely you are a young guy at the very early stages
of puberty. You'll just have to wait a bit - before too
long you will be producing semen and that will continue
to happen for the rest of your life.
If, however, in the very rare circumstance that you have
a good lot of pubic hair and you still can't produce
semen, then you need to see a doctor.
Unfortunately, I can't give you any advice for a medical
problem because I am not qualified medically and I don't
want to lead you astray.
The only way to be sure is to see a doctor. You could
take along some digital images if that makes you feel
more comfortable. Doctors have seen more penises and
penis problems than you could possible imagine, so the
doctor isn't going to freak out when he sees yours!
Anyway, swallow you pride and embarrassment and see a
doctor because it will be either of these two
- It is nothing serious, easily fixed and you will feel
a lot better in yourself.
- If it is something that will cause you grief later on
in life then it needs to be fixed now. You will also feel
a lot better about yourself knowing the problem is
Whichever way you go, the result is a win.
Just be aware that the problem with any advice from well
meaning friends on this sort of problem is a bit of a
gamble - they might be right or they might not be -
however, it is you who has to live with the consequences
for the rest of your life! The only sure way is to let a
doctor see things the way they are!
All the relevant medical facts I have gathered over the
years are on the website. Emails asking for individual
medical help will not be answered! You need to see a
doctor for a correct diagnosis.
"The site is anti-gay"
Are you thinking that if the page is not pro-gay then
automatically it has to be anti-gay. There is no other
option? You probably also strongly adhere to the saying
"once gay - always gay". The page aims to present options
that aren't widely publicized to young guys.
First Section - The way it is
This section's theme: You are going to experience things
that will make you think you are homosexual, but don't
try to define your sexuality yet. Things can and do
change, so wait until you are well past puberty. This can
be life saving advice - the longer a person delays
labeling themselves as gay, the less chance they will
commit suicide. This is not religious based advice. It
can be backed up by numerous secular studies. Very few
boys know about this universal "gay" phase and it is an
amazing load lifted from their mind when they find out
Second Section - Mentoring
This section has the theme "If you have UNWANTED
homosexual feelings, then there is still hope for change.
I understand those who say that traditional counseling
and trying to bring about change by yourself won't work.
I agree, it generally won't work.
This is often where the Christian aspect comes in. All
the links are personal stories of people who have found
success in changing their sexual orientation by bringing
God into the scene of their lives! Skeptics will say they
were never homosexual in the first place. Most however
will tell you they were deeply into the gay lifestyle.
Email them yourself. It is their personal story and you
will find that none of them has an ax to grind - they are
not pro or anti gay. They are just sharing their own
The reason I include this aspect of the site is that once
again it is a seldom heard option for people who feel
"stuck" in a lifestyle they don't want. It can actually
give hope where previously some had abandoned hope.
I have always been homosexual - your site is wrong about
Studies have shown that you could be one of a small
percentage who failed to take on a masculine identity as
a little boy - that is could explain why it feels like
you were born homosexual. The journey into masculinity
can be resumed whenever you are ready!
It's all in the genes
Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG),
one of the larger pro-gay organizations, explains that
there is no conclusive evidence that people are born gay
in its booklet "Why Ask Why? Addressing the Research on
Homosexuality and Biology."
Committed to a gay lifestyle?
Anyone committed to a gay lifestyle will find the site
undermines the foundations of the life decisions you have
made. I don't intend to offend you but I need to present
other views that research shows have validity.
If you are genuinely concerned about helping young people
find their way, then I think you will at least tolerate
the site on the basis that guys need to know in the back
of their mind these "gay" indicators aren't necessarily
permanent. Even if they do remain for a few, there is the
knowledge that others have found the change they wanted.
None of us know which young guy is at the point of giving
up because of this secret turmoil in his mind. I've never
had an email from a young guy who was desperately afraid
he was becoming heterosexual! Update - I had one email
and the guy was afraid he would have to go back on his
public decision to come out as gay!
A glimmer of hope can reverse a young guy's secret
Even if we never agree on the causes of homosexuality -
you surely have to admit it is a good thing to have guys
firmly grounded in their masculine identity - and that is
the essence of what the gay page is all about!
Disagree with the masturbation section?
I am aware that masturbation is a contentious issue in
some churches. I have heard all the arguments. Most
problems in this area come when the focus is on the
lust/masturbation connection without any reference to the
biological need all males have to release semen
It took a lot of research with well respected leaders in
the Christian community and counsel of wise Christian
leaders from several countries before I came to the
conclusions presented on the site.
Did you read the page on this site 'M' Sin History
detailing how the church came to view masturbation as
Did you also read the page on this site Lust that attempts to rationalize the
definition of lust and give advice on finding a healthy
Has your question already been answered on the site?
Please carefully read as much as you can on the website
about your concern before you email me. You will find
almost all questions have been answered there, because
all guys have much the same problems!
If you still decide to email me please include the
following information so I can give an answer that is
appropriate for your stage of development. If you are not
OK with this personal information, still email, but you
will get a much more general answer that might not really
address where you are at.
- Your age
- Your country
- Your stage of puberty (do you have adult
pubic/underarm/facial/leg hair - not just the usual light
colored hair that most young boys have?)
- Are you circumcised?
- Your relationship with your father!