Homosexual, Gay - Alternative options
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Primitive cultures exhibit an intuitive understanding that boys need special help and encouragement to grow into their masculine identity. (42) The strength or weakness of your internal masculine identity is a reflection of the way you have been able to relate to your father or father figure. ContentsHow it all fits together
This table represents the most common path to homosexual attraction. Other factors can come into the equation that can also "lock-in" your brain to try and get your emotional needs met through homosexuality:
Loneliness can also make you more vulnerable to be used by others and you can end up "locked-in". "Stuff" is going to happen to every boy as he goes through puberty that will make him wonder if he is homosexual.
This is a time you should choose not to act on these impulses, because things can change a lot over a few years. It is important to understand how puberty can play these tricks on a boy because......Once a boy believes he is homosexual or gay......."As a man thinks in his heart, so is he!" (13)
Definitions
Other more common namesPoofter, gay, queer, homosexual, queen, fag, fagot, nancy ...and lots more...
The Concerns
Gender Identity - The Big Picture
The completion of this phase requires the boy to have taken on a masculine identity through identifying with males and to know that he is welcomed and accepted as a male by the important adult males in his life. After this successful completion there is a much stronger and growing attraction to females that will then continue for the rest of the boy's life.
Problems arise when a boy tries to bypass this natural phase through fear he is becoming homosexual or that others will think he is gay or because of a perceived rejection of the men around him. Another problem can be lack of interest from any adult males. When this need for internal male identity is unfulfilled, it can carry on into adulthood and become a driving force in his sexual desire, usually manifesting as homosexual (same gender) attraction. The man is still trying to make that psychological connection to males that never happened when he was younger.
The way things are for boysOriginally, I had only been interested in other guys and was actually convinced I was homosexual. But at about age 14 I lost interest in guys and switched over to girls. age 16, Colorado (3)
What they are saying is that every boy will go through a phase of being totally absorbed with other males. This may unexpectedly produce any of the following:
This has nothing to do with being homosexual. It is normal development for every boy! Each boy will pass through this phase in his own time (usually in the early stages of puberty) and your timing may be different to your friends. It is important not to get involved in sexual acts with other males during this period because your sexuality is fluid (not rigidly gay or straight). You might set your sexual nature on a course that you ultimately don't want it to go if you get involved sexually with other males. Donna Rene Hopkins, program director for New Creation Ministries in Fresno, Calif., a counseling resource for those who struggle with homosexuality, meets with sexually troubled teens. "Homosexuality is probably the prominent issue among our youth across the country today," says Donna. "Coming out has almost become a fad." Donna, who fell into lesbianism as a teen, understands first hand the sexual pressures kids face. (10) Young men today do not have a clear idea of what is 'gay' and what is 'straight'. They often feel compelled to adopt outlandish behavior to make absolutely sure there is no doubt in their friend's minds that they are 'straight'. I have had boys tell me that they wouldn't have any male friends because the risk was too great that someone might cast a 'gay' slur on their character. Others have repeated conquests of girlfriends for the same reason, to throw their friends off the gay-bashing trail. The lifestyle of "being seen not to be gay" is all encompassing of many boy's lives.
How boys often decide if they are gayAm I good at sport?This table is an example of the way everybody analyzes themselves - in this case to see if you are good at sport:
CONCLUSION: Mentally this adds up to a figure that convinces me that I am athletic and might have a future in sport. Am I gay?Boys understandably tend to use the same method to see if a series of events in their lives might indicate that they are possibly 'gay':
This chart doesn't really mean anything - it is simply a method to clarify the way young guys think. Most young people have a pre-conceived idea about the imaginary "line" that separates 'gay' from 'straight'. Others have the line drawn for them by their friends at school.
Boys often feel pressured to label their sexual identity at a young age. There is then an expectation that they must live with that identity for the rest of their life. No wonder our guys are under so much pressure!
Let's look at this from a different perspective!
"Don't label yourself as homosexual or gay while you are still progressing through puberty!" It doesn't matter what you score in the imaginary gay 'test' above or what circumstances would cause you to convince yourself you are homosexual or gay. The truth is that your sexuality at your stage of development is not set in concrete and can and does change over time. Don't label yourself as gay yet! Confusion about ones sexual orientation is a fairly common occurrence around the time of puberty. (10)
What happens if I label myself as 'gay' too early?To label yourself early as 'gay' (often
with the help of bullying friends) can become a self fulfilling
prophecy
- you begin to make decisions and adopt actions based on your label.
This then reinforces the original decision in an accelerating
confirmation in your mind. Another study showed that early self-labeling as homosexual or bisexual is one of the top three risk factors for homosexual teen suicide attempts. The risk of suicide decreases by 80 percent for each year that a young person delays homosexual or bisexual self-labeling. (29) Rather than affirming teens as gay, counselors should affirm them as individuals, but encourage them to wait until adulthood to make choices about sexuality. (30)
A: A study reported in Pediatrics, the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics (Vol. 89, April, 1992) surveyed 34,707 Minnesota teenagers reported that 26 percent of 12-year-olds are uncertain if they are heterosexual or homosexual. This is significant because only about 2 percent will actually identify as homosexual in adulthood. This means that almost 24 percent may erroneously (wrongly) be identified as homosexual if they are affirmed as gay at age 12! (30)
An extreme example
I recently saw him and he is now married, very much in love with his wife plus two young kids at his side. Imagine if he had believed the "once gay - always gay" story when he was struggling with his hormone affected body and desires.
For the 2-3% who feel they have always been homosexual
There will be a small number of guys who feel like they have been different all of their life - like they never fitted in - like they were always homosexual - even that they must have been born that way because they have felt this way from their earliest memories of life. For guys in this situation - your pain is real. Research has shown that for some reason you failed to take on a (internal) masculine identity as a little boy - something blocked that identification process - either a real or perceived rejection from a male in your life. You withdrew from identifying with males because the pain was too great. Everyone craves and has fantasies for that which is missing in their life. If you are missing that (internal) masculine identity you will fantasize to try and obtain it through other males. In your case it is the journey into masculinity that was interrupted. The good news is that the journey can be resumed and completed and the younger this happens, the greater the chance of complete recovery! Your problem is not your homosexuality. Homosexuality is not about sex. Your problem is about a deep sense of pain and alienation (feeling different) that you experience. You are a lonely and suffering guy in emotional pain. That pain is about not belonging and not feeling connected. It is a gender identity problem. Sex is a means of covering up the pain of your alienation. Dr Joseph Nicolosi NARTH (31)
Homosexual Q and AGenes
This is in the media a lot but it is not accurate. Read this report on the born gay theory summarized from many sources. The people who did the research themselves say there is no evidence to support the claim!
Homosexual fantasies
When the body and mind are growing and developing during adolescence, it is very common to have fantasies about the same gender during masturbation sessions. Young men frequently wonder if their friends are developing as fast as they are. They may question whether their friends masturbate as well, or if they have had sexual intercourse. New feelings and changes in the body can create quite a bit of curiosity. This is sexually arousing to many people simply because the thoughts revolve around sexuality and sex organs. At the same time, adolescence is a time for the development of a person's identity. When developing an identity, we tend to take a very close look at those around us of the same gender. In doing so, certain males will be more appealing to us than others. The males we would like to be similar to will appear more attractive. Although we may not want to actually have sex with them, at a time in life when just about anything can be erotic, this emotion can manifest itself as sexual arousal. (3) Click here for the complete report about gay fantasies that this answer was taken from.
Sexual assault
No. The only reason you were both picked on is because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. You provided an opportunity for that man to satisfy his own lusts at your expense by being in that location. Any other boy could just as easily have fallen prey to that person. It is very important that you don't begin to believe there is something about your appearance or your actions that attracted him to you. The problem is within the attacking man - not with you or your brother.
What is acceptable in same gender relationships?Society has brought confusion about the difference between "love" and "sex". Young people need to hear that God created in them a need for same-gender love, which today is often interpreted to mean same-gender sex. 
Emotional intimacy and sex are often confused messages in a teen's mind. In reality, a boy's interest in other males may simply be the desire for affirmation and attention (of a male) that he lacks at home. (10) Intimacy, Not EroticismA particular benefit of the Double Loop experience (therapy) for many men is that it assures them that a felt emotional connection with another man need not be "gay," and that feelings that come up through an emotional connection with another man are healing and affirmative.(46) ...Jonathan was deeply impressed with David - an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on he would be David's number-one advocate and friend. Jonathan, out of his deep love for David, made a covenant with him. He formalised it with solemn gifts...Bible 1 Samuel 18:1-3
What God thinks about gays and homosexuals
God is in love with the homosexual (44) The church in general has done a poor job of relating to guys with homosexual attraction. I think the general view in society is that the church condemns the homosexual. Many in the church who have been brought out of their past and into the lifeboat are now using their position to keep those with homosexual attraction out of the same boat. Unfortunately it is the vocal ones who get the media's attention. Alongside this noise however, there are churches that are quietly helping guys with homosexual attraction into the lifeboat to be part of the whole restoration process experienced by everyone who turns to God. I ask your forgiveness for the way the church in general has treated you (directly and indirectly) if you have homosexual feelings. I hope you are able to see past the offense and personally experience all that God has for you. Two sides to the gay story
There is another option to the popular view we all hear about homosexuality and it has credibility! NARTH, founded in 1992, is composed of psychiatrists, psychologists, certified social workers, professional and pastoral counselors and other behavioral scientists, as well as laymen from a wide variety of backgrounds such as law, religion, and education. NARTH and associated organizations have helped many guys who have chosen to break free from unwanted homosexual attraction. First you believe an idea, your choices follow your beliefs and then you live with the consequences. You owe it to yourself to find the facts, think things through and make sure your beliefs are correct. You are responsible for where your life goes, not the media or the education system - they won't be there when it comes time to for you to live with consequences!
Mentoring to help those who want changeIf you are struggling with unwanted homosexual attraction and fantasies and you want to move on from there, then there is hope.
Different types of mentoringOne of the main factors in mentoring is to help the male resume his (internal) journey into masculinity. NARTH have interviewed hundreds of homosexual men who volunteered to tell their life story and similar trends appeared in every case - an interrupted journey into their personal masculinity! The good news is that it is not the end of the story. This generation can benefit from a previous generation who chose to bare their souls!
Parent mentoring before puberty
Boys need to do the things that men do and find the affirmation that is a necessary part of growth. Every time you put forth an effort at achieving manhood, regardless of your failure or success at achieving the immediate goal, you have increased your manhood. (42) Masculinity is an achievement. Men must support boys in this quest. (43)
Adult male mentoring during pubertyBoys in puberty need an adult male beside them in some form to complete the masculine identification process. Peers and women can't help here.
Exodus mentoring during and after pubertyExodus mentoring refers to groups that specialize in helping teenage boys and men recover and complete their journey into an adult masculine identity. There have been many groups in the past who have claimed to "cure" homosexuality, but have only succeeded in raising doubt and suspicion that any change was possible. Some have possibly even caused psychological damage. For this reason, the only groups I recommend are those linked at the end of this page. They have enough qualified endorsement and substance in their programs for me to recommend them as offering hope and answers for those struggling with unwanted homosexual attraction.
Adult guys no longer gay! "Young people, wrestling with a variety of issues, are being encouraged to 'come out' as a cure for their problems. But there are many, like me, for whom this well-intended advice has led to heartache. I now know that change is possible and I share my testimony in hopes that others will realize there is another option." (32) In 1997, NARTH surveyed 882 individuals who had experienced some degree of sexual-orientation change. Before counseling or therapy, 68 percent of the respondents perceived themselves as exclusively or almost entirely homosexual. After treatment, only 13 percent perceived themselves as exclusively or almost entirely homosexual. Are you skeptical that people's sexual orientation can change? You've no doubt heard "once gay - always gay". Read the stories below and make up your own mind. If you are struggling with homosexual feelings that you don't want to have, then you at least owe it to yourself to hear their experiences. 75 personal stories of successfully leaving the gay lifestyle!I've now been out of homosexual activities for over 15 years. Knowing more about Jesus (rather than being "healed") has been central to my Christian walk. I have focused on knowing God, and healing has followed in all areas of my life. Over the years homosexual feelings have faded to a whimper, while heterosexual feelings have emerged more and more. My new desires are a reminder that His presence restores in profound ways. Hetero-sexuality has never been my goal, however. It's a by-product of my fascination with the Lord. If one views himself/herself not as a "gay" man or woman, but a person who is struggling with same-sex attractions, the struggle becomes much more manageable. 
Where to get helpI am not able to offer any help in this area. This web page has alerted you to the fact that help is available if you want it. It is over to the specialists below to take you on further.  FREETOBEME is a great site for guys questioning the sexual events happening in their life. Click on image. 
EXODUS is the largest organization helping people overcome unwanted homosexual attraction. Click on images. Young guys click on the Exodus Youth site first. That site has an email address for you to get information and help.   PEOPLE CAN CHANGE is a group of men who have left homosexuality - showing others the way out. Click on image.  LOVE WON OUT run seminars that will bring you up-to-speed fast on the whole issue of understanding the researched cause of and possibilities of change from homosexual desires. Click on image.  PURE INTIMACY is run by Focus on the Family and is another great resource for understanding the causes of homosexuality. Click on image.  NARTH is a professional organization of psychiatrists, psychologists, family counselors, certified social workers and educators dedicated to researching and treating homosexuality. Click on image. The president of NARTH, Dr Nicolosi has published a "must read" book if you or a family member are struggling with homosexuality: 
A Parent's
Guide to Preventing Homosexuality Joseph Nicolosi Linda Nicolosi Format: Paperback, 250pp. ISBN: 0830823794 Publisher: InterVarsity Press Pub. Date: October 2002 Other ThoughtsComments from site visitorsEmail #1A 15 year old boy from the USA had unrelenting curiosity about wanting to see another male masturbate. He went to extraordinary lengths on the Internet to set up a meeting with a stranger to satisfy this desire . After he contacted me for advice, he canceled his meeting with the stranger at the last moment. The 15 year old boy's comment:
Email #2
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You need to know that this is a normal
development phase
that every boy passes through. If you don't have a clear understanding
of this fact you could wrongly convince
yourself that you are homosexual or gay.
Dad Advice
Every boy will experience an
"attraction to the same gender" phase
in his life, especially during early puberty. Another name for
this phase is "hero worship". It occurs because the boy's developing
mind
subconsciously seeks other males to model the type of man the
boy
wishes to develop into. The boy will have an intense interest in
other males and will be captivated by aspects of the male he sees as
valuable qualities to have. He will set the course for his life on the
qualities he admires in his "heroes". Phrases such as "I want to be
like ........... when I grow up" show the mental process in motion.
Masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he's got from a man or the company of men. He cannot learn it
any other place. He cannot learn it from other boys, and he cannot
learn it from the world of women. (40)
"As new sex stimulated drives emerge,
adolescents seek out a love object to whom they can direct their feelings. Although most
boys will not admit it, their need for affection is real and they feel
too old or ill at ease to direct it toward some family member. The
first love object of young boys is usually an adult of the same sex.
This is called hero worship. The adult usually has qualities
that the boy admires and would like to possess, so he identifies
with him. The boy may imitate the dress, behavior and mannerisms of the
idealized adult and this is the first stage in an emancipation
(release) from the family. Through identification and dreaming the boy obtains
emotional release for the beginnings of his sexual-affectional needs." (1)
All boys have an idea of whether they are
above or below their imagined line and then label themselves as gay or
straight accordingly. Others will secretly know they are getting close
to to the "line" and carefully look for "evidence" to fine tune the
ultimate label of their sexuality.
The most important advice I could give any
teenager is: 
All this
happening when most
likely you
would have passed through this phase to the next. You are now locked
into an identity where you may not have been if you didn't try to
categorize yourself so early in your life.
Q: In
some schools it
has become
chic to "come out" as a gay, lesbian or bisexual teen. Programs like
Project 10 and gay student clubs encourage this. What's your reaction?
I helped a young guy when he was 10 and 11
through a difficult family situation he was in. I didn't see him for a
couple of years after that and then our paths seemed to cross regularly
for a period of time. Puberty had begun in his life between the two
periods of time. Every time that young guy saw me and we had a
conversation, he would get a huge boner (erection) that he couldn't
hide! I never made a deal of it - I understood what hormones can do to
your body as a young guy.
you know what tho its not a
choice to be gay or not because i gaurentee if i could have chosen to
have a deep voice and not be feminine and not get beat up everyday of
my life thru out highschool then i would have been str8 and i would
have chosen not to but it is something you cant help. i didnt choose
this no matter how you wanna look at it. email from
teenage boy
A man tried to abduct me by forcing me to get
into his car and another man sexually assaulted my
brother last year. Does this mean there is something about us that
makes us attractive to gays?
Since males are characterized by what they do,
then parents can help a young child to build a (internal) masculine identity by
helping him DO male things. Boys who are having trouble in this area
often tend to spend more time with girls. Parents can gently
manipulate to create more opportunities to help the boy relate better
to other boys. The whole point is to develop pride in being male.
You have to move into their
(men's) arena of action; don't expect them to move into yours. The
primary key is to say yes to men's invitation to join them. Every time
you are invited into that world, they are acknowledging that you are a
man. They are affirming your manhood. But you must be willing to join
in. Their simply asking you to join them has some affirming value, but
being with them, joining with them in the context of what men do, will
offer far greater affirmation. We need the words of affirmation that we
didn't receive as little boys. We need them to come from men and we
need them to be offered in the context of what men do because "doing"
is a trait of manhood. (42)
Our failure to let our fathers
be our fathers is a primary cause of homosexuality. You cannot become a
man until you have been a son. You cannot be a son until you have
acknowledged or honored your father. (42)
"...I decided since I was getting baptized today
that I have
to
make up my mind. I deleted my website and told the person I was going
to
meet I wouldn't meet them. I want to stand firm in my decision, but
it seems when I took the courage to make the decision, my desire was
not there anymore to do those things. This morning I got
baptized in front of the whole church about 3,000 people in one
service.
And I'm glad I did. I want to follow Jesus and His ways only. And not
go
in the middle."
I went through an
experience about seven years ago when the enemy was convincing me that
I
was gay. It started with little thoughts that I found very disturbing.
Then came the dreams, vivid and powerful dreams. The feelings and
thoughts became more frequent. Then the voices (thoughts) telling me
that you are born this way and it is not that bad. Just about when I
was
convinced, God prompted a brother to call me. He started the
conversation out by saying, "You'll never guess what I have been
through! The enemy almost convinced me I was gay!" 
