Puberty Sex information - Teenage Boys

Primitive cultures exhibit an intuitive understanding that boys need special help and encouragement to grow into their masculine identity. (42)

The strength or weakness of your internal masculine identity is a reflection of the way you have been able to relate to your father or father figure.

Contents

How it all fits together

Definitions

Other more common names

The concerns

The big picture

The way things are for boys

How boys often decide if they are gay

Let's look at this from a different perspective

What happens if I label myself as 'gay' too early?

An extreme example

Been homosexual all your life?

Questions and Answers

What God thinks about homosexuals

Two sides to the gay story

Mentoring

Types of mentoring

Links of adult guys no longer gay

Where to get help

Other thoughts

Comments from web surfers

How it all fits together

				Birth to 3 yrs old
				|||
Successful		<<<<	Little boy needs to take on internal male identity				>>>>	Not successful
|||								|||
Mixes well with other boys							Feels different to other boys
|||							|||
Puberty begins						Puberty begins
|||						|||
Desires come alive that can feel 'homosexual'				If boy believes he is homosexual >>>>>>		Homosexual desires come alive or get stronger
|||						|||
Genuine emotional need for adult male attention, affection, approval and closeness						Genuine emotional need for adult male attention, affection, approval and closeness
|||						|||
Interaction with suitable adult males to complete boy's internal masculine identity				Not successful >>>>>>		Cannot overcome childhood issues, homosexual identity or absence of adult male affirmation
|||						|||
Successful							Searching for masculine identity using other males
		Adult masculine identity forming				Come out as gay
|||						|||
Puberty finished						Puberty finished
|||						|||
Adult male with heterosexual desires						Adult male with homo- sexual desires + gay identity		Adult male with homo- sexual desires

This table represents the most common path to homosexual attraction. Other factors can come into the equation that can also "lock-in" your brain to try and get your emotional needs met through homosexuality:

• sexually experimenting with other guys
• sexual abuse from another male
• choosing homosexual lifestyle

Loneliness can also make you more vulnerable to be used by others and you can end up "locked-in".

"Stuff" is going to happen to every boy as he goes through puberty that will make him wonder if he is homosexual.

You need to know that this is a normal development phase that every boy passes through. If you don't have a clear understanding of this fact you could wrongly convince yourself that you are homosexual or gay.

This is a time you should choose not to act on these impulses, because things can change a lot over a few years. It is important to understand how puberty can play these tricks on a boy because......Once a boy believes he is homosexual or gay......."As a man thinks in his heart, so is he!" (13)

Dad Advice
It is really difficult for some guys to know where they are in all this - really confusing and upsetting! Fear can take over and cloud your judgment if you let it.

Definitions

Fantasy

Sexual imaginations, usually about another person.

Puberty

The stage of life when the physical changes from boy to man are occurring.

Heterosexual (straight)

Having a sexual attraction to the opposite sex

Homosexual

Having a sexual attraction to the same sex. The term homosexual should be read on this site to mean "same-gender attracted youth". It is a more accurate definition when we consider that without external influence, many youth who experience these feelings of attraction are not on a path to becoming gay! (10)

Homosexuality is mostly "discovered" in your life rather than being "chosen".

Bisexual

Having a sexual attraction to both sexes

Gay

A social and political identity. Having embraced the homosexual lifestyle for yourself outwardly as well as inwardly.

Other more common names

Poofter, gay, queer, homosexual, queen, fag, fagot, nancy ...and lots more...

The Concerns

• Does masturbating mean I'm homosexual?
• If I get an erection around other boys, does that mean I'm homosexual?
• If I don't have a girlfriend, does that mean I'm homosexual?
• I'm still a virgin, does that mean I could be homosexual (or frigid)?
• I had a sexual dream about another boy, does that mean I'm homosexual?
• Could I have been born homosexual?
• A man tried to get me into his car - does that mean I'm attractive to gays?
• What is gay and what is not gay?
• I have fantasies about other males, does that mean I am homosexual?

Gender Identity - The Big Picture

Every boy will experience an "attraction to the same gender" phase in his life, especially during early puberty. Another name for this phase is "hero worship". It occurs because the boy's developing mind subconsciously seeks other males to model the type of man the boy wishes to develop into. The boy will have an intense interest in other males and will be captivated by aspects of the male he sees as valuable qualities to have. He will set the course for his life on the qualities he admires in his "heroes". Phrases such as "I want to be like ........... when I grow up" show the mental process in motion.

The completion of this phase requires the boy to have taken on a masculine identity through identifying with males and to know that he is welcomed and accepted as a male by the important adult males in his life. After this successful completion there is a much stronger and growing attraction to females that will then continue for the rest of the boy's life.

Dad Advice
Your body changes happen automatically, but your internal masculine identity does not! Your masculine identity is an accomplishment. Get to it!

Masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he's got from a man or the company of men. He cannot learn it any other place. He cannot learn it from other boys, and he cannot learn it from the world of women. (40)

Problems arise when a boy tries to bypass this natural phase through fear he is becoming homosexual or that others will think he is gay or because of a perceived rejection of the men around him. Another problem can be lack of interest from any adult males. When this need for internal male identity is unfulfilled, it can carry on into adulthood and become a driving force in his sexual desire, usually manifesting as homosexual (same gender) attraction. The man is still trying to make that psychological connection to males that never happened when he was younger.

Dad Advice
You have to have a man in your life you can relate to. Ask your mum for help to find someone if you don't have anyone suitable in your life.

The way things are for boys

Originally, I had only been interested in other guys and was actually convinced I was homosexual. But at about age 14 I lost interest in guys and switched over to girls. age 16, Colorado (3)

"As new sex stimulated drives emerge, adolescents seek out a love object to whom they can direct their feelings. Although most boys will not admit it, their need for affection is real and they feel too old or ill at ease to direct it toward some family member. The first love object of young boys is usually an adult of the same sex. This is called hero worship. The adult usually has qualities that the boy admires and would like to possess, so he identifies with him. The boy may imitate the dress, behavior and mannerisms of the idealized adult and this is the first stage in an emancipation (release) from the family. Through identification and dreaming the boy obtains emotional release for the beginnings of his sexual-affectional needs." (1)

What they are saying is that every boy will go through a phase of being totally absorbed with other males. This may unexpectedly produce any of the following:

• erections around other males
• wet dreams about other males
• day dreams, imaginations and fantasies about other males
• a preoccupation with other males.

This has nothing to do with being homosexual. It is normal development for every boy!

Each boy will pass through this phase in his own time (usually in the early stages of puberty) and your timing may be different to your friends. It is important not to get involved in sexual acts with other males during this period because your sexuality is fluid (not rigidly gay or straight). You might set your sexual nature on a course that you ultimately don't want it to go if you get involved sexually with other males.

Donna Rene Hopkins, program director for New Creation Ministries in Fresno, Calif., a counseling resource for those who struggle with homosexuality, meets with sexually troubled teens. "Homosexuality is probably the prominent issue among our youth across the country today," says Donna. "Coming out has almost become a fad." Donna, who fell into lesbianism as a teen, understands first hand the sexual pressures kids face. (10)

Young men today do not have a clear idea of what is 'gay' and what is 'straight'. They often feel compelled to adopt outlandish behavior to make absolutely sure there is no doubt in their friends' minds that they are 'straight'.

I have had boys tell me that they wouldn't have any male friends because the risk was too great that someone might cast a 'gay' slur on their character. Others have repeated conquests of girlfriends for the same reason, to throw their friends off the gay-bashing trail.

The lifestyle of "being seen not to be gay" is all encompassing of many boys' lives.

Dad Advice
Just when you feel like keeping your distance, you actually need a close bond with a man to bring you through this tough time!

How boys often decide if they are gay

Am I good at sport?

This table is an example of the way everybody analyzes themselves - in this case to see if you are good at sport:

CONCLUSION: Mentally this adds up to a figure that convinces me that I am athletic and might have a future in sport.

Am I gay?

Boys understandably tend to use the same method to see if a series of events in their lives might indicate that they are possibly 'gay':

This chart doesn't really mean anything - it is simply a method to clarify the way young guys think. Most young people have a pre-conceived idea about the imaginary "line" that separates 'gay' from 'straight'. Others have the line drawn for them by their friends at school.

All boys have an idea of whether they are above or below their imagined line and then label themselves as gay or straight accordingly. Others will secretly know they are getting close to to the "line" and carefully look for "evidence" to fine tune the ultimate label of their sexuality.

Boys often feel pressured to label their sexual identity at a young age. There is then an expectation that they must live with that identity for the rest of their life. No wonder our guys are under so much pressure!

Dad Advice
Whether you are having short term or long term issues with homosexuality, getting mentoring from an adult male will help you! You need a man to tell you "you're doing OK"

Let's look at this from a different perspective!

The most important advice I could give any teenager is:

"Don't label yourself as homosexual or gay while you are still progressing through puberty!"

It doesn't matter what you score in the imaginary gay 'test' above or what circumstances would cause you to convince yourself you are homosexual or gay. The truth is that your sexuality at your stage of development is not set in concrete and can and does change over time. Don't label yourself as gay yet!

Confusion about ones sexual orientation is a fairly common occurrence around the time of puberty. (10)

Dad Advice
Repeat - don't finalize your sexual identity while you are still going through puberty! Some guys have this stage until their early 20s!

What happens if I label myself as 'gay' too early?

To label yourself early as 'gay' (often with the help of bullying friends) can become a self fulfilling prophecy - you begin to make decisions and adopt actions based on your label. This then reinforces the original decision in an accelerating confirmation in your mind. All this happening when most likely you would have passed through this phase to the next. You are now locked into an identity where you may not have been if you didn't try to categorize yourself so early in your life.

Another study showed that early self-labeling as homosexual or bisexual is one of the top three risk factors for homosexual teen suicide attempts. The risk of suicide decreases by 80 percent for each year that a young person delays homosexual or bisexual self-labeling. (29)

Rather than affirming teens as gay, counselors should affirm them as individuals, but encourage them to wait until adulthood to make choices about sexuality. (30)

Q: In some schools it has become chic to "come out" as a gay, lesbian or bisexual teen. Programs like Project 10 and gay student clubs encourage this. What's your reaction?

A: A study reported in Pediatrics, the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics (Vol. 89, April, 1992) surveyed 34,707 Minnesota teenagers reported that 26 percent of 12-year-olds are uncertain if they are heterosexual or homosexual. This is significant because only about 2 percent will actually identify as homosexual in adulthood. This means that almost 24 percent may erroneously (wrongly) be identified as homosexual if they are affirmed as gay at age 12! (30)

An extreme example

I helped a young guy when he was 10 and 11 through a difficult family situation he was in. I didn't see him for a couple of years after that and then our paths seemed to cross regularly for a period of time. Puberty had begun in his life between the two periods of time. Every time that young guy saw me and we had a conversation, he would get a huge boner (erection) that he couldn't hide! I never made a deal of it - I understood what hormones can do to your body as a young guy.

I recently saw him and he is now married, very much in love with his wife plus two young kids at his side. Imagine if he had believed the "once gay - always gay" story when he was struggling with his hormone affected body and desires.

Dad Advice
It might happen to you too - if it does, don't cut yourself up over it!

For the 2-3% who feel they have always been homosexual

you know what tho its not a choice to be gay or not because i gaurentee if i could have chosen to have a deep voice and not be feminine and not get beat up everyday of my life thru out highschool then i would have been str8 and i would have chosen not to but it is something you cant help. i didnt choose this no matter how you wanna look at it. email from teenage boy

There will be a small number of guys who feel like they have been different all of their life - like they never fitted in - like they were always homosexual - even that they must have been born that way because they have felt this way from their earliest memories of life.

For guys in this situation - your pain is real. Research has shown that for some reason you failed to take on a (internal) masculine identity as a little boy - something blocked that identification process - either a real or perceived rejection from a male in your life. You withdrew from identifying with males because the pain was too great.

Everyone craves and has fantasies for that which is missing in their life. If you are missing that (internal) masculine identity you will fantasize to try and obtain it through other males. In your case it is the journey into masculinity that was interrupted. The good news is that the journey can be resumed and completed and the younger this happens, the greater the chance of complete recovery!

Your problem is not your homosexuality. Homosexuality is not about sex. Your problem is about a deep sense of pain and alienation (feeling different) that you experience. You are a lonely and suffering guy in emotional pain. That pain is about not belonging and not feeling connected. It is a gender identity problem. Sex is a means of covering up the pain of your alienation. Dr Joseph Nicolosi NARTH (31)

Dad Advice
Best thing is to come clean with someone you can trust and get help if that is what you want - help with your gender identity problem and emotional pain.

Homosexual Q and A

Genes

Could a person be born gay (through the genes or chromosomes)?

This is in the media a lot but it is not accurate. Read this report on the born gay theory summarized from many sources. The people who did the research themselves say there is no evidence to support the claim!

Dad Advice
Don't get sucked in! The "born gay" idea is repeated endlessly as though it was fact. So far there is no evidence at all to support this idea.

Homosexual fantasies

I have fantasies about males, does that mean I am gay?

When the body and mind are growing and developing during adolescence, it is very common to have fantasies about the same gender during masturbation sessions. Young men frequently wonder if their friends are developing as fast as they are. They may question whether their friends masturbate as well, or if they have had sexual intercourse. New feelings and changes in the body can create quite a bit of curiosity. This is sexually arousing to many people simply because the thoughts revolve around sexuality and sex organs. At the same time, adolescence is a time for the development of a person's identity. When developing an identity, we tend to take a very close look at those around us of the same gender. In doing so, certain males will be more appealing to us than others. The males we would like to be similar to will appear more attractive. Although we may not want to actually have sex with them, at a time in life when just about anything can be erotic, this emotion can manifest itself as sexual arousal. (3)

Click here for the complete report about gay fantasies that this answer was taken from.

Dad Advice
Every guy expects their sexuality to be black and white. Reality is there are lots of shades of gray that no-one prepared you for! Read the full report above.

Sexual assault

A man tried to abduct me by forcing me to get into his car and another man sexually assaulted my brother last year. Does this mean there is something about us that makes us attractive to gays?

No. The only reason you were both picked on is because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. You provided an opportunity for that man to satisfy his own lusts at your expense by being in that location. Any other boy could just as easily have fallen prey to that person.

It is very important that you don't begin to believe there is something about your appearance or your actions that attracted him to you. The problem is within the attacking man - not with you or your brother.

Dad Advice
You could now feel everything from extreme fear to extreme pleasure! Confusion is a definite - get counseling help so you can move on. You must not keep this bottled up inside!

What is acceptable in same gender relationships?

Society has brought confusion about the difference between "love" and "sex". Young people need to hear that God created in them a need for same-gender love, which today is often interpreted to mean same-gender sex.

Emotional intimacy and sex are often confused messages in a teen's mind. In reality, a boy's interest in other males may simply be the desire for affirmation and attention (of a male) that he lacks at home. (10)

Intimacy, Not Eroticism

A particular benefit of the Double Loop experience (therapy) for many men is that it assures them that a felt emotional connection with another man need not be "gay," and that feelings that come up through an emotional connection with another man are healing and affirmative. (46)

...Jonathan was deeply impressed with David - an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on he would be David's number-one advocate and friend. Jonathan, out of his deep love for David, made a covenant with him. He formalised it with solemn gifts... Bible 1 Samuel 18:1-3

Dad Advice
You need a close emotional connection to a man. A man who will love you and show you affection. No sex involved!

What God thinks about gays and homosexuals

God is in love with the homosexual (44)

The church in general has done a poor job of relating to guys with homosexual attraction. I think the general view in society is that the church condemns the homosexual. Many in the church who have been brought out of their past and into the lifeboat are now using their position to keep those with homosexual attraction out of the same boat. Unfortunately it is the vocal ones who get the media's attention.

Alongside this noise however, there are churches that are quietly helping guys with homosexual attraction into the lifeboat to be part of the whole restoration process experienced by everyone who turns to God.

I ask your forgiveness for the way the church in general has treated you (directly and indirectly) if you have homosexual feelings. I hope you are able to see past the offense and personally experience all that God has for you.

Two sides to the gay story

There is another option to the popular view we all hear about homosexuality and it has credibility!

NARTH, founded in 1992, has done extensive research on the causes and treatment of homosexuality with great success. Narth is composed of psychiatrists, psychologists, certified social workers, professional and pastoral counselors and other behavioral scientists, as well as laymen from a wide variety of backgrounds such as law, religion, and education. NARTH and associated organizations have helped many guys who have chosen to break free from unwanted homosexual attraction.

First you believe an idea, your choices follow your beliefs and then you live with the consequences. You owe it to yourself to find the facts, think things through and make sure your beliefs are correct. You are responsible for where your life goes, not the media or the education system - they won't be there when it comes time to for you to live with consequences!

Dad Advice
This is important! If you struggle with same-sex attraction, you need to understand all sides of your situation. So much is riding on what you choose to believe!

Mentoring to help those who want change

If you are struggling with unwanted homosexual attraction and fantasies and you want to move on from there, then there is hope.

				Birth to 3 yrs old
				|||
Successful		<<<<	Little boy needs to take on internal male identity				>>>>	Not successful
|||								|||
Mixes well with other boys			Parent mentoring <<<<<<				Feels different to other boys
|||							|||
Puberty begins						Puberty begins
|||						|||
Desires come alive that can feel 'homosexual'				Ensure boys understand this <<< >>>		Homosexual desires come alive or get stronger
|||						|||
Genuine emotional need for adult male attention, affection, approval and closeness				Adult males to mentor boy <<< >>>		Genuine emotional need for adult male attention, affection, approval and closeness
|||						|||
Interaction with suitable adult males to complete boy's internal masculine identity				EXODUS mentoring <<<<<<		Cannot overcome childhood issues, homosexual identity or absence of adult male affirmation
|||						|||
Successful				EXODUS mentoring <<<<<<			Searching for masculine identity using other males
		Adult masculine identity forming				Come out as gay
|||						|||
Puberty finished						Puberty finished
|||						|||
Adult male with heterosexual desires				EXODUS mentoring <<<<<<		Adult male with homo- sexual desires + gay identity		Adult male with homo- sexual desires

Different types of mentoring

One of the main factors in mentoring is to help the male resume his (internal) journey into masculinity. NARTH have interviewed hundreds of homosexual men who volunteered to tell their life story and similar trends appeared in every case - an interrupted journey into their personal masculinity! The good news is that it is not the end of the story. This generation can benefit from a previous generation who chose to bare their souls!

Dad Advice
IMPORTANT: Any mentoring arrangement must be out in the open and safe! Talk to your parent/s for their guidance first. Don't let emotional needs cloud your judgement!

Parent mentoring before puberty

Since males are characterized by what they do, then parents can help a young child to build a (internal) masculine identity by helping him DO male things. Boys who are having trouble in this area often tend to spend more time with girls. Parents can gently manipulate to create more opportunities to help the boy relate better to other boys. The whole point is to develop pride in being male.

Boys need to do the things that men do and find the affirmation that is a necessary part of growth. Every time you put forth an effort at achieving manhood, regardless of your failure or success at achieving the immediate goal, you have increased your manhood. (42)

Masculinity is an achievement. Men must support boys in this quest. (43)

Dad Advice
This is mostly in the parent's hands - creating opportunities for healthy masculine identity formation. Should be easily achievable.

Adult male mentoring during puberty

Boys in puberty need an adult male beside them in some form to complete the masculine identification process. Peers and women can't help here.

You have to move into their (mens') arena of action; don't expect them to move into yours. The primary key is to say yes to mens' invitation to join them. Every time you are invited into that world, they are acknowledging that you are a man. They are affirming your manhood. But you must be willing to join in. Their simply asking you to join them has some affirming value, but being with them, joining with them in the context of what men do, will offer far greater affirmation. We need the words of affirmation that we didn't receive as little boys. We need them to come from men and we need them to be offered in the context of what men do because "doing" is a trait of manhood. (42)

Dad Advice
Russian orphan boys recognize this need and take steps to meet their need. Western guys tend to tough it out. Don't want to reveal my true desires for an affectionate relationship with a man!

Exodusmentoring during and after puberty

Exodusmentoring refers to groups that specialize in helping teenage boys and men recover and complete their journey into an adult masculine identity.

There have been many groups in the past who have claimed to "cure" homosexuality, but have only succeeded in raising doubt and suspicion that any change was possible. Some have possibly even caused psychological damage. For this reason, the only groups I recommend are those linked at the end of this page. They have enough qualified endorsement and substance in their programs for me to recommend them as offering hope and answers for those struggling with unwanted homosexual attraction.

Dad Advice
At least gather some more information if you have unwanted homosexual attraction that is worrying you.

Adult guys no longer gay!

"Young people, wrestling with a variety of issues, are being encouraged to 'come out' as a cure for their problems. But there are many, like me, for whom this well-intended advice has led to heartache. I now know that change is possible and I share my testimony in hopes that others will realize there is another option." (32)

In 1997, NARTH surveyed 882 individuals who had experienced some degree of sexual-orientation change. Before counseling or therapy, 68 percent of the respondents perceived themselves as exclusively or almost entirely homosexual. After treatment, only 13 percent perceived themselves as exclusively or almost entirely homosexual.

Are you skeptical that peoples' sexual orientation can change? You've no doubt heard "once gay - always gay". Read the stories below and make up your own mind. If you are struggling with homosexual feelings that you don't want to have, then you at least owe it to yourself to hear their experiences.

75 personal stories of successfully leaving the gay lifestyle!

I've now been out of homosexual activities for over 15 years. Knowing more about Jesus (rather than being "healed") has been central to my Christian walk. I have focused on knowing God, and healing has followed in all areas of my life. Over the years homosexual feelings have faded to a whimper, while heterosexual feelings have emerged more and more. My new desires are a reminder that His presence restores in profound ways. Hetero-sexuality has never been my goal, however. It's a by-product of my fascination with the Lord.

If one views himself/herself not as a "gay" man or woman, but a person who is struggling with same-sex attractions, the struggle becomes much more manageable.

Where to get help

I am not able to offer any help in this area. This web page has alerted you to the fact that help is available if you want it. It is over to the specialists below to take you on further.

FREETOBEME is a great site for guys questioning the sexual events happening in their life. Click on image.

Facts About Youth (Facts) is a resource designed to give educators, parents and students important science-based information about healthful approaches to youth who may be conflicted about gender identity and sexual orientation. This site is a project of the American College of Pediatricians.

PEOPLE CAN CHANGE is a group of men who have left homosexuality - showing others the way out. Click on image.

The purpose of the web site is to publish stories about change of sexual orientation, expressed by real people in the United States and elsewhere.

PURE INTIMACY is run by Focus on the Family and is another great resource for understanding the causes of homosexuality. Click on image.

NARTH is a professional organization of psychiatrists, psychologists, family counselors, certified social workers and educators dedicated to researching and treating homosexuality. Click on image.

The president of NARTH, Dr Nicolosi has published a "must read" book if you or a family member are struggling with homosexuality:

A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality
Joseph Nicolosi Linda Nicolosi
Format: Paperback, 250pp.
ISBN: 0830823794
Publisher: InterVarsity Press
Pub. Date: October 2002

Other Thoughts

Comments from site visitors

Email #1

A 15 year old boy from the USA had unrelenting curiosity about wanting to see another male masturbate. He went to extraordinary lengths on the Internet to set up a meeting with a stranger to satisfy this desire . After he contacted me for advice, he canceled his meeting with the stranger at the last moment. The 15 year old boy's comment:

"...I decided since I was getting baptized today that I have to make up my mind. I deleted my website and told the person I was going to meet I wouldn't meet them. I want to stand firm in my decision, but it seems when I took the courage to make the decision, my desire was not there anymore to do those things. This morning I got baptized in front of the whole church about 3,000 people in one service. And I'm glad I did. I want to follow Jesus and His ways only. And not go in the middle."

Email #2

I went through an experience about seven years ago when the enemy was convincing me that I was gay. It started with little thoughts that I found very disturbing. Then came the dreams, vivid and powerful dreams. The feelings and thoughts became more frequent. Then the voices (thoughts) telling me that you are born this way and it is not that bad. Just about when I was convinced, God prompted a brother to call me. He started the conversation out by saying, "You'll never guess what I have been through! The enemy almost convinced me I was gay!"

Our stories were the same and the processes were identical. I know that the next step would have been to set up an opportunity for it to manifest. I know, because it has happened to others.

The enemy was exposed and his plan ruined. I have not dealt with it since. Through this experience I have had much mercy in my heart for those who have been caught in this snare. Just realizing that it is the enemy is the first step to freedom and freedom can be had.

Email #3

Name :
Email: Date : Fri Aug 25 23:37:56 2000
Comments... Thank God that someone is willing to talk openly and honestly about male sexual development. The sexual awakening of many young men has been ignored by too many for too long. Boys need to understand that being attracted to another man is not sin, is not an indication of being gay, and is a normal part of maturing. I wish this information had been available to me when I was a teenager, I might have avoided a lot of pain and misery. I might also have avoided being an AIDS patient.