Puberty Sex information - Teenage Boys

For Teenagers:

Just read the information! Read all the pages because some subjects will be relevant to you now, while others will become important as you grow older. It is helpful, I think, to have a broad understanding of all the topics before you actually need the information in everyday life. That way, if a weird wet-dream sneaks up on you or someone calls you "poofter" or "wanker" you'll already know the real story. You are less likely then to take in the idea that "they must know something about me that I don't".

Dr James Dobson in his video (8)strongly suggests that a boy know this information before he reaches puberty - particularly the subject of "masturbation".

It is interesting to note that "good" boys seem to have more problems with their emerging sexuality. They have never had so many "dirty" thoughts and dreams as they do now. Their mind and body are no longer totally under their control any more. They need to formulate a new image of themselves - something other than the previous "good"!

For Parents

Some boys will have already heard some of this information before. It is often mixed with secular ideas on values and relationships making it difficult for the boy to authoritatively choose the material which agrees with Christian principles and rejecting the rest.

I understand you know your kids the best, but here are some ideas that I have found to work quite well and you may find useful.

If you are able to talk to your boy about this material, then that would be the preferred option. It forges a link between you both because you dared to talk about probably the most important issues in the world to him.

For the rest of the parents (probably the majority) sit the boy down to read this site or print it out and give it to him.

Some of the boys I have spoken to on these topics are now married men and several have stated that giving them this information was the most important thing that happened to them when they were a teenager!

From a teenage bulletin board:

We talk about it (masturbation) like it's sick but we all know that we do it anyway. We do that because it is the safe thing to do. (11)

If you ask your boy questions to find if there is a need for this information you will mostly get denial, especially if he is already experiencing puberty. The thought process goes something like this: "I am battling in this area of ......... and mum just asked if I was having any problems in that same area. She must be able to tell what's going on!" This tends to drive the teenager deeper into himself and can make talking about the subject even harder!

Another thought process of boys is that "I know all there is to know about this stuff, my mates told me!"

I usually start with a line like: "I want to tell you about the weird stuff that happens to all guys your age". The word "weird" seems to grab their attention and open the door to let the information exchange happen. (much better than saying "sexual development phases you are about to pass through") Depending on how well the boy can handle the information, I generally give him a brief overview of the subject material and then let him read the information at his leisure without the pressure of a one sided conversation! Often the conversation will be one sided, so don't be put off by the silence. Know what you are going to say and keep going! Not too much detail in the first talk though. Once you have broken the ice it can be surprising some times how much freer the boy often becomes with the subject matter later on.

For Youth Leaders

You have a dilemma! On one hand, if you want to be effective with your teenagers, you really can't afford to ignore these issues. On the other hand, some of the material on this site is controversial and for parents who were brought up in an era when this wasn't talked about (and if it was, then it was often proclaimed as bad) it challenges and sometimes threatens their parenting ability.

When I realized the need that existed amongst teenage boys for this information, I held a meeting for the parents of the youths to present the issue to them. They all responded well and said the right things, but very few actually carried through to talk to their sons!

A few years later with a new generation of youths, I took the approach of telling the parents we were going to talk to their sons at a youth meeting and gave them a printed copy of the information we would be presenting on the night. The response was good and all of the boys were allowed to attend the meeting. I was quite surprised at the openness of some of the boys who attended, although one boy sat with his face hidden in his hands the whole night! It is a good idea to have another adult present in case misunderstandings of the material surface later on. They can verify the information you gave out! This approach reached most of the boys in the youth group.

This still left out the boys who invariably drift in and out of youth groups. It is generally not appropriate to confront youths on a one-by-one basis to give out this information. One exception is when they come to you and ask for help.

The next step was to put this information on to the internet and trust God to lead those to it that needed the information. The number of people who access this site is in the order of hundreds of thousands a year.

The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive from both teenagers and adults.

General

Some of the symptoms of boys I have observed that are suffering from a lack of developmental information include:

• not coping like they used to (e.g. suddenly not wanting to go to school any more or grades suddenly fall)
• withdrawing from friends (who seem to be better informed on sexual matters)
• high level of effort with the opposite sex (proving to himself and others he is not gay)
• general antisocial behavior (crying out for help)

I often use the information presented on this site in an elimination process. If the boy is not coping with life like he should, then knowing this information is not going to hurt him and in many cases it has proved to be a remedy for the problem symptoms!

A side note to finish with. Women tend to think the information on the site is a bit over the top (overstated) whereas most men seem to agree that it is an accurate reflection of how it is for most teenage boys!