"Some of the boys did not break eye contact with me for
over half an hour as I explained to them the 'weird' they
were personally experiencing in their puberty."
Just read the information! Read all the pages because
some subjects will be relevant to you now, while others
will become important as you grow older. It is helpful, I
think, to have a broad understanding of all the topics
before you actually need the information in everyday
life. That way, if a weird wet-dream sneaks up on you or
someone calls you "poofter" or "wanker" you'll already
know the real story. You are less likely then to take in
the idea that "they must know something about me that I
Dr James Dobson in his video (8)strongly
suggests that a boy know this information before he
reaches puberty - particularly the subject of
It is interesting to note that "good" boys seem to have
more problems with their emerging sexuality. They have
never had so many "dirty" thoughts and dreams as they do
now. Their mind and body are no longer totally under
their control any more. They need to formulate a new
image of themselves - something other than the previous
Some boys will have already heard some of this
information before. It is often mixed with secular ideas
on values and relationships making it difficult for the
boy to authoritatively choose the material which agrees
with Christian principles and rejecting the rest.
I understand you know your kids the best, but here are
some ideas that I have found to work quite well and you
may find useful.
If you are able to talk to your boy about this material,
then that would be the preferred option. It forges a link
between you both because you dared to talk about probably
the most important issues in the world to him.
For the rest of the parents (probably the majority) sit
the boy down to read this site or print it out and give
it to him.
Some of the boys I have spoken to on these topics are now
married men and several have stated that giving them this
information was the most important thing that happened to
them when they were a teenager!
From a teenage bulletin board:
We talk about it (masturbation) like it's sick but we all
know that we do it anyway. We do that because it is the
safe thing to do. (11)
If you ask your boy questions to find if there is a need
for this information you will mostly get denial,
especially if he is already experiencing puberty. The
thought process goes something like this: "I am battling
in this area of ......... and mum just asked if I was
having any problems in that same area. She must be able
to tell what's going on!" This tends to drive the
teenager deeper into himself and can make talking about
the subject even harder!
Another thought process of boys is that "I know all there
is to know about this stuff, my mates told me!"
I usually start with a line like: "I want to tell you
about the weird stuff that happens to all guys your age".
The word "weird" seems to grab their attention and open
the door to let the information exchange happen. (much
better than saying "sexual development phases you are
about to pass through") Depending on how well the boy can
handle the information, I generally give him a brief
overview of the subject material and then let him read
the information at his leisure without the pressure of a
one sided conversation! Often the conversation will be
one sided, so don't be put off by the silence. Know what
you are going to say and keep going! Not too much detail
in the first talk though. Once you have broken the ice it
can be surprising some times how much freer the boy often
becomes with the subject matter later on.
For Youth Leaders
You have a dilemma! On one hand, if you want to be
effective with your teenagers, you really can't afford to
ignore these issues. On the other hand, some of the
material on this site is controversial and for parents
who were brought up in an era when this wasn't talked
about (and if it was, then it was often proclaimed as
bad) it challenges and sometimes threatens their
When I realized the need that existed amongst teenage
boys for this information, I held a meeting for the
parents of the youths to present the issue to them. They
all responded well and said the right things, but very
few actually carried through to talk to their sons!
A few years later with a new generation of youths, I took
the approach of telling the parents we were going to talk
to their sons at a youth meeting and gave them a printed
copy of the information we would be presenting on the
night. The response was good and all of the boys were
allowed to attend the meeting. I was quite surprised at
the openness of some of the boys who attended, although
one boy sat with his face hidden in his hands the whole
night! It is a good idea to have another adult present in
case misunderstandings of the material surface later on.
They can verify the information you gave out! This
approach reached most of the boys in the youth group.
This still left out the boys who invariably drift in and
out of youth groups. It is generally not appropriate to
confront youths on a one-by-one basis to give out this
information. One exception is when they come to you and
ask for help.
The next step was to put this information on to the
internet and trust God to lead those to it that needed
the information. The number of people who access this
site is in the order of hundreds of thousands a
The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive from both
teenagers and adults.
Some of the symptoms of boys I have observed that are
suffering from a lack of developmental information
- not coping like they used to (e.g. suddenly not
wanting to go to school any more or grades suddenly fall)
- withdrawing from friends (who seem to be better
informed on sexual matters)
- high level of effort with the opposite sex (proving
to himself and others he is not gay)
- general antisocial behavior (crying out for help)
I often use the information presented on this site in an
elimination process. If the boy is not coping with life
like he should, then knowing this information is not
going to hurt him and in many cases it has proved to be a
remedy for the problem symptoms!
A side note to finish with. Women tend to think the
information on the site is a bit over the top
(overstated) whereas most men seem to agree that it is an
accurate reflection of how it is for most teenage boys!