Pornography Help - Teenage Boys

Summary

• Pornography can trigger a powerful sexual response in all males
• Teenage boys are easily enticed by pornography.
• All research data suggests the long term effects of pornography are not good.

Definitions

Pornography

material that is sexually graphic (movies, videos, books etc.) used to  become sexually aroused.

Aroused

inciting, provoking or stirring up a sexual response.

Violate

infringe, defile, encroach, take what is not yours

Other more common names

Smut, dirty pictures, pornos

The Concerns

• All the boys at school use pornography regularly.
• Guys are called "gay" if they don't have porn on their cellphone
• I'm afraid of being called "gay" if I don't join in with the others.
• Friends have been called "frigid" for not indulging in pornography.
• I need to use pornography to test if I'm "gay" or "straight".
• Boys use pornography to test whether a friend is "gay" or "straight".
• Masturbation is better using pornography.
• A man told me a normal boy at my age should be into women's underwear catalogs and Playboy magazines.
• Every where you look we are bombarded by sexual images (sex sells!)

The Facts

If you are turned on by pornography, then it shows that everything is in place and working fine! The "glue" that will bond you to your future wife is in place and waiting for the time when you marry and enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship.

The Bible recognizes this connection:

"....may her (your wife's) breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love." Proverbs 5:19

The Bible also says clearly to not get involved in lust toward others!

The middle ground then is to use the built-in erotic attraction to women to produce an intimate and satisfying relationship with one woman in marriage. To plunder this natural desire on images of other people can only lead to problems in the future.

Males are easily aroused by what they see. That is why sexual images are so enticing to teenage and adult males. If you accidentally see pornography, it is usually not a problem. The problem comes when you deliberately seek pornography in order to excite yourself sexually.

What's so wrong with pornography?

Many people try to justify pornography as "free expression".

Many use pornography for masturbation.

The short term pleasure obtained from pornography doesn't stop the long term and silent detrimental effects. (The same as a smoker obtaining short term pleasure from cigarettes is contributing to a long term health problem that will eventually extract a high price)

Pornography will:

• Take you further into it than you intended to go.
• Cost you more than you intended (personally and financially)
• Addict you very quickly and silently which you might not appreciate until you try to quit.

Dr Dobson (Focus on the Family) says that pornography is enticing, progressive and destructive. Over time the pornography needs to be more graphic and more perverse to get the same initial "high" that came when the guy first started using this material.

The person eventually needs to "cross over" into complete sexual perversion to continue getting these sexual "highs". This can involve violating others to gratify himself in his sexual perversion!

At this point the person is trapped:

• He can't go back because the addiction to pornography is so strong.
• He needs to violate others to gratify his sexual cravings.

MTV

MTV and similar music video shows are often contain soft porn designed to attract teenage boys. The girls might have some clothes on, but the images are designed to sexually arouse you - that makes it pornography!

The reason they do this? Simply to make money from you! They know there is a strong mental connection between something that arouses you sexually and the reason you got turned on - in this case association with a particular song and video clip.

With MTV and all pornography, you are being used and manipulated by multinational companies that make billions of dollars each year from exploiting this desire! They are manipulating your strongest desire (sexual desire designed to glue you to another person in marriage) and turning it into money! Because it feels so good, they don't even have to work hard at it!

The other problem for you is that you get your sexual turn-on from images that are not real people to you. Real people can never live up to those images and so you are painting yourself into a corner that will be hard to get out of when you want a real relationship. It is up to you to realize what is happening and go against the flow and quit. Keep the big picture for your life in mind.

Comments from others

Problems readers mentioned include becoming desensitized to milder cues to sexual arousal, having unrealistic expectations of physical characteristics for oneself or others, and having increasing difficulty achieving orgasm.

...hardcore porn is dangerous when it sets up women as no more than a man's playthings, devoted to his pleasure. That's not the way the world works, and this view could *severely* hamper your relationships.... age 16, New Jersey (3)

I have found that too much dependence on pornography lessens my ability to enjoy real-world erotic stimulation, like thinking about my girlfriend. age 22, Canada (3)

[Pornography] left me with a burning desire to have "impossible" women whom I could never be with. I also remember looking at pictures of men whom I thought were more attractive than I was, as I masturbated to the thought of actually being them instead of myself. This left me with an overwhelming desire to look like other guys, an inferiority complex, depression, and homosexual feelings. age 24, Pennsylvania (3)

I've been looking at porn on the Internet, and it's made me think about sex in a very unhealthy way. What I have noticed is a need to escalate the "dirtiness" of the pictures to get the same level of arousal as before, like needing to use more drugs to get the same high. age 28, California (3)

...one of my friends uses it all the time -- at least every 2 days. He is starting to get bored with the idea of sex and girls. He says porn has desensitized him to the fun of sexual thoughts and acts.
age 19, Rhode Island (3)

For a long time I used hardcore videos and pictures for stimulation. I began to have problems becoming aroused .... I had to stay away from porn for over a year to return to normal sexual stimulation. Pornography can become like a drug -- you need it to feel OK.
age 24, Germany (3)

Magazines and videos can create a perception of sex focusing far too much on the physical rather than the emotional and romantic. And they create a perception of normal sexuality that is not in fact normal.
age 24, Texas (3)

From a wife

My husband and I got married when we were 19. Young and in love. We had issues on our wedding night!!! Now I know why!

When we had only been married for 2 months, and had only made love twice, I questioned what was wrong. I was so confused. That's when he admitted to having magazines! I couldn't believe it. Now, I'll be honest, we had slept together before we got married. It was wrong. I know, but we did it anyway. So you can imagine my shock when he admitted to the magazines.

So, I am living proof. At 19 years old, after who knows how many years of this stuff, he couldn't handle a real life woman on his wedding night. How sad! Please, from the wife's point of view, consider what you are doing. While it seems harmless now, it will really hurt your wife later. (56) Jill

What you can do about it

Be decisive and take action:

• stop using pornography
• stop going into the situation where porn is presented to you
• 'bounce' your eyes away from sexual material that unexpectedly confronts you
• stop hanging out with the guys who give porn to you
• get help if you find you are addicted beyond your control

Controlling the lust won't damage you!

Further Information