"I have never met a person who refused to be sexually
active before marriage who lived to regret it.
Unfortunately, there are many who regret not waiting!"
"Satan's primary weapon for ruining relationships is
sexual impurity" (36)
This is an issue which every boy must face and make a
conscious decision. Unlike a boy's sexuality, which
mostly arrives unannounced, losing virginity is a
conscious (and often badly informed) decision.
A person who has not had sex with another person.
(Everyone is born as a virgin.)
The first time a person has sex with another person is
when they lose their virginity. Masturbation or a wet
dream does not change your virginity.
Choosing not to be involved in sexual relationships
with other people on a short term basis.
Choosing not to be involved in sexual relationships
with other people on a long term basis.
- No one is a virgin at my school.
- I'll be laughed at if I keep my virginity for too
- My friends will think there is something wrong with
- If I date, the girl will probably expect me to have
sex with her.
- People will think I am gay.
- The biggest joke in movies is the person who is still
- Am I still a virgin since I started masturbating?
- Am I still a virgin because I had a wet dream about
having sex with my girlfriend?
- We were taught at school that sex outside marriage is
What the Bible says
The Bible is
absolutely clear about virginity. A person needs to
maintain their virginity until they are married. There is
no other choice given!
Why the tough standard in the Bible?
A spiritual union as well as a physical union occurs when
two people have sex together. It is like a unique bonding
between the two people that nothing else on earth can
duplicate - commonly referred to as " soul-ties".
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and the two will become one
flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Bible -
Mark 10:7 - Jesus speaking
In the ultimate plan of God (as revealed in the Bible)
two virgins will marry and become solidly "bonded" to
each other through their first sexual experience
together. This bond is intended to continually be
strengthened and last for the rest of the couple's lives.
The long term relationship is clearly more than just
satisfying each others physical, sexual, and emotional
needs. An invisible and tangible bond (soul-tie) is
formed between the two people.
When you have sex with someone other than your marriage
partner, you create a soul-tie with those other people
that robs you of the one close union God had in mind for
you to enjoy throughout your life with your one marriage
partner. You become "bonded" to several people (if you
have multiple sex partners) all of which rob you of the
bonding and closeness that you could have had with that
one individual unique partner.
Multiple bonds with several people does not compensate
for the original plan of one close soul tie bond with one
person for life. In fact, all of the relationships end up
much less than what was originally possible and the best
can't really be retrieved again.
Illustration of the Bible principle
Most guys could drive a car from about 10
years old, so why aren't you allowed to drive on the
road? Is it just a rule to stop you from enjoying the
full potential of your life? Or is it a rule to protect
you and other people on the road?
It is exactly the same with your sexuality. Physically
you are able to have sex with another person from a quite
young age. Emotionally and spiritually you aren't yet
able to handle the consequences of such an act. Someone
will get hurt and it will be you. Others will get hurt
God's rules are there to protect you and provide you with
the maximum enjoyment of this gift He has given you.
Big Picture - Little Picture
For the short term gain of moments of sexual pleasure
(little picture), the best possibility for a successful
long term relationship is being sacrificed (big picture).
I've already lost my virginity
If you've already lost your virginity - there is hope!
God is ready to forgive you provided you are willing to
ask His forgiveness and repent (turn around and go God's
way from now on). Begin a new start. You will never be a
virgin again, but you can stop any further damage to the
relationship with your future life long partner. God is a
god who will restore when you turn to Him.
Other factors - Disease
The only 100% method of avoiding sexually transmitted
diseases is abstinence! Condoms have a known failure rate
for protection against virus transmission from person to
person and so are not completely safe. Some sources claim
that some viruses are actually smaller than the pore
holes in the condom material. Sexually transmitted
diseases are at epidemic proportions and are becoming
more resistant to treatments. You are at more risk than
ever before of catching a disease even with "safe sex".
In 1993, every day, 30,000 Americans became infected with
a sexually transmitted disease. 200,000 die each year
from a sexually transmitted disease in the USA - often
the disease doesn't show up until years later. People can
have a sexually transmitted disease and not know it! Some
are incurable (Aids and Gonorrhea) (17)
What about oral sex?
To the letter of the law, having oral sex
with another person doesn't cause you to lose your
virginity since virginity technically deals with the
issue of sexual intercourse (penetration) between a man
and a woman.
In the spirit of the law however, the definition of
virginity includes "unused" and "unexplored". Since oral
sex relates to "using" and "exploring" another person's
body, it comes under the same category as full
ANY sexual activity between two people rapidly forms
those spiritual soul-ties that make the two of them into
one flesh, whether they intended to or not. Technically,
you might engage in oral sex and still be a virgin, but
you will form those same bonds that form between people
who actually have full sex together. For this reason,
oral sex is not a way around the Bible standard.
To remain a virgin may attract some short term ridicule
although things are beginning to change. A recent poll
indicated over half the students at high schools are
Saying 'yes' to premarital sex (sex before marriage) does
nothing for ones character. It weakens ones resolve,
unleashes adult passions in a child's body and destroys
self esteem through guilt. Young people who say 'no' to
premarital sex tend to feel good about themselves and are
prone to become winners in life. (17)
Not interested in the best?
If you have determined in your heart that you are not
going to wait for the highest level of sexual
satisfaction and pleasure for your life, then the choice
is yours, but make sure you use a condom each time you
have sex. That way you will have some disease protection,
and reasonably good birth control.
Be aware that a condom has no effect on those soul-ties
mentioned earlier. They will form just as strong as with
unprotected sex, so there will be a personal price to pay
if you proceed.
The best lovemaking in the world is not limited to
beautiful people or two with perfectly sculpted bodies.
It is at its best when two healthy lovers, more
interested in satisfying their partner's needs than their
own, approach the marriage bed without guilt.
That is why virtue [virginity] is the best preparation
for marriage... . God's plan was for one man and one
woman to share the ecstasy of that experience only with
each other. (8)
worthwhile in life ever comes without sacrifice. Virtue
(virginity)is no exception. At some time in every child's
growing up years, they will be faced with the tremendous
temptation to engage in premarital sex. The path of least
resistance always seems appealing at such a time. For
many young people, only their strong moral and religious
values, their commitment to staying a virgin until their
wedding night, or the fear of pregnancy or disease
provides them with the courage to say 'no' when their
body and mind (and people around them) are screaming
In a recent survey, two-thirds of the people who had sex
before marriage wish they had waited.
Every young man must make up his mind now, before the
opportunity arises, on how he is going to handle the
issue of sex before marriage.
A very detailed site following on from the basic
information presented on boysunderattack.com
True Love Waits website devoted to networking and
supporting those who choose to wait.