Puberty Sex information - Teenage Boys

"I have never met a person who refused to be sexually active before marriage who lived to regret it. Unfortunately, there are many who regret not waiting!" (17)

Summary

This is an issue which every boy must face and make a conscious decision. Unlike a boy's sexuality, which mostly arrives unannounced, losing virginity is a conscious (and often badly informed) decision.

Definitions

Virgin

A person who has not had sex with another person. (Everyone is born as a virgin.)

Losing virginity

The first time a person has sex with another person is when they lose their virginity. Masturbation or a wet dream does not change your virginity.

Abstinence

Choosing not to be involved in sexual relationships with other people on a short term basis.

Celibate

Choosing not to be involved in sexual relationships with other people on a long term basis.

The Concerns

• No one is a virgin at my school.
• I'll be laughed at if I keep my virginity for too long.
• My friends will think there is something wrong with me.
• If I date, the girl will probably expect me to have sex with her.
• People will think I am gay.
• The biggest joke in movies is the person who is still a virgin.
• Am I still a virgin since I started masturbating?
• Am I still a virgin because I had a wet dream about having sex with my girlfriend?
• We were taught at school that sex outside marriage is OK

What the Bible says

The Bible is absolutely clear about virginity. A person needs to maintain their virginity until they are married. There is no other choice given!

Why the tough standard in the Bible?

A spiritual union as well as a physical union occurs when two people have sex together. It is like a unique bonding between the two people that nothing else on earth can duplicate - commonly referred to as " soul-ties".

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Bible - Mark 10:7 - Jesus speaking

In the ultimate plan of God (as revealed in the Bible) two virgins will marry and become solidly "bonded" to each other through their first sexual experience together. This bond is intended to continually be strengthened and last for the rest of the couple's lives. The long term relationship is clearly more than just satisfying each others physical, sexual, and emotional needs. An invisible and tangible bond (soul-tie) is formed between the two people.

When you have sex with someone other than your marriage partner, you create a soul-tie with those other people that robs you of the one close union God had in mind for you to enjoy throughout your life with your one marriage partner. You become "bonded" to several people (if you have multiple sex partners) all of which rob you of the bonding and closeness that you could have had with that one individual unique partner.

Multiple bonds with several people does not compensate for the original plan of one close soul tie bond with one person for life. In fact, all of the relationships end up much less than what was originally possible and the best can't really be retrieved again.

Illustration of the Bible principle

Most guys could drive a car from about 10 years old, so why aren't you allowed to drive on the road? Is it just a rule to stop you from enjoying the full potential of your life? Or is it a rule to protect you and other people on the road?

It is exactly the same with your sexuality. Physically you are able to have sex with another person from a quite young age. Emotionally and spiritually you aren't yet able to handle the consequences of such an act. Someone will get hurt and it will be you. Others will get hurt too.

God's rules are there to protect you and provide you with the maximum enjoyment of this gift He has given you.

Big Picture - Little Picture

For the short term gain of moments of sexual pleasure (little picture), the best possibility for a successful long term relationship is being sacrificed (big picture).

I've already lost my virginity

If you've already lost your virginity - there is hope! God is ready to forgive you provided you are willing to ask His forgiveness and repent (turn around and go God's way from now on). Begin a new start. You will never be a virgin again, but you can stop any further damage to the relationship with your future life long partner. God is a god who will restore when you turn to Him.

Other factors - Disease

The only 100% method of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases is abstinence! Condoms have a known failure rate for protection against virus transmission from person to person and so are not completely safe. Some sources claim that some viruses are actually smaller than the pore holes in the condom material. Sexually transmitted diseases are at epidemic proportions and are becoming more resistant to treatments. You are at more risk than ever before of catching a disease even with "safe sex".

In 1993, every day, 30,000 Americans became infected with a sexually transmitted disease. 200,000 die each year from a sexually transmitted disease in the USA - often the disease doesn't show up until years later. People can have a sexually transmitted disease and not know it! Some are incurable (Aids and Gonorrhea) (17)

What about oral sex?

To the letter of the law, having oral sex with another person doesn't cause you to lose your virginity since virginity technically deals with the issue of sexual intercourse (penetration) between a man and a woman.

In the spirit of the law however, the definition of virginity includes "unused" and "unexplored". Since oral sex relates to "using" and "exploring" another person's body, it comes under the same category as full penetration sex.

ANY sexual activity between two people rapidly forms those spiritual soul-ties that make the two of them into one flesh, whether they intended to or not. Technically, you might engage in oral sex and still be a virgin, but you will form those same bonds that form between people who actually have full sex together. For this reason, oral sex is not a way around the Bible standard.

Character

To remain a virgin may attract some short term ridicule although things are beginning to change. A recent poll indicated over half the students at high schools are still virgins.

Saying 'yes' to premarital sex (sex before marriage) does nothing for ones character. It weakens ones resolve, unleashes adult passions in a child's body and destroys self esteem through guilt. Young people who say 'no' to premarital sex tend to feel good about themselves and are prone to become winners in life. (17)

Not interested in the best?

If you have determined in your heart that you are not going to wait for the highest level of sexual satisfaction and pleasure for your life, then the choice is yours, but make sure you use a condom each time you have sex. That way you will have some disease protection, and reasonably good birth control.

Be aware that a condom has no effect on those soul-ties mentioned earlier. They will form just as strong as with unprotected sex, so there will be a personal price to pay if you proceed.

Finally

The best lovemaking in the world is not limited to beautiful people or two with perfectly sculpted bodies. It is at its best when two healthy lovers, more interested in satisfying their partner's needs than their own, approach the marriage bed without guilt.

That is why virtue [virginity] is the best preparation for marriage... . God's plan was for one man and one woman to share the ecstasy of that experience only with each other. (8)

Nothing worthwhile in life ever comes without sacrifice. Virtue (virginity)is no exception. At some time in every child's growing up years, they will be faced with the tremendous temptation to engage in premarital sex. The path of least resistance always seems appealing at such a time. For many young people, only their strong moral and religious values, their commitment to staying a virgin until their wedding night, or the fear of pregnancy or disease provides them with the courage to say 'no' when their body and mind (and people around them) are screaming 'yes'. (17)

In a recent survey, two-thirds of the people who had sex before marriage wish they had waited.

Every young man must make up his mind now, before the opportunity arises, on how he is going to handle the issue of sex before marriage.

Further information

A very detailed site following on from the basic information presented on boysunderattack.com

True Love Waits website devoted to networking and supporting those who choose to wait.